Worst Horror Movies Ever Made: “The Last Slumber Party” (1987)

Where do I begin? How do I categorize a “film” that is from an entirely different planet? It’s a horror movie that’s not horrifying in the slightest. It’s a slumber party flick that is unlike any slumber party I’ve ever attended. It’s hilarious and cringe-worthy at the same time. It makes absolutely no sense but I TOTALLY get it. It’s the ugliest looking movie I’ve ever seen, yet I think it’s an art masterpiece. It was the first movie of its kind and there will never be another movie like it. The Last Slumber Party is my #1 favorite so-bad-it’s-good movie!

It only runs 71 minutes, but I can honestly tell you that if it was 8 hours long I would never get bored. I’m not going to tell you the plot because it’s irrelevant. What makes LSP so bad? The production values are extremely low and crappy. Not only were the worst possible cameras used, but the quality of the film (and video) varies drastically throughout. One minute the picture quality looks like crap, and the next minute it looks like a piece of crap took a shit. The entire movie feels like a bad student film, and it probably is. The actors playing high school students look like they graduated from high school 15 years before. And you can forget about any believable special effects; you can see the blood squirting out of the fake knife.

So what makes LSP so great? Well the acting is horrible, but I find it endearing and hilarious! We’ve all seen bad acting, but you’ll be shocked and amazed at just how bad it really is. Don’t worry, there are plenty of drug-induced flat deliveries of lines and blank stares at the camera to go around. This movie is filled with plenty of stinky cheese to invade your nostrils! And who can turn that down? LSP also has some of the best one-liners from any movie, ever. “Because he’s so fucking good looking, that’s why!” “I was getting tired of booze anyway. Let’s get high!” “El Creepo seems to have vanished into thin air.” “What is this, stereo telephones?” “God I need a fucking valium!” “Oh Linda, don’t be so QUEER!” And one of my favorite things is how they reuse the SAME shot of the killer walking towards the camera with knife in hand throughout the entire movie! Talk about getting more bang for your buck. And make sure to look out for “final girl” Chris. She is one of the most entertaining characters I have ever seen in a movie, even if she does look like she did a little too much nose candy.

If you like hilariously bad movies, actors making asses of themselves on screen, psycho killers in scrubs, homophobia, nightmares within nightmares, and getting high because you got tired of booze, I recommend that you watch The Last Slumber Party. It’ll blow your mind. It’ll turn your world upside-down! And let me remind you: while you watch LSP, “don’t whack it too hard. You can get hair on your palms if you do it too much!”

–Jeffrey Lee