Tim’s Horror Tweet Reviews: “Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis” (2005)

Our one and only Twitter reviewer Tim Schilling is back with another zombie tweet by tweet review. Tonight he will be looking at zombie sequel “Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis.” The film received harsh reviews from critics and fans alike upon release and Lion’s Gate sent the film direct to Syfy. Does the film deserve its reputation or is there something here that is worth watching? Let’s crack open this zombie and see if the brains are still fresh.

Thoughts before the film:
First review I’m doing in a long time… Don’t ask why I picked this one. #ROTLDNecropolis

Thoughts while watching:
0:02 Chernobyl is such a cool place.
0:08 The zombie rules aren’t consistent in this series. Only part I and II seem to be the same.
0:09 Oh, rain spread the zombie virus, they never did that before.
0:13 Wow this kid is a drama queen.
0:19 So far it seems 90% of this movie is filler just to make it 90 minutes long.
0:28 That dirk bike scene was completely pointless. 15 minutes wasted.
0:32 This is just ridiculous.
0:34 This girl can’t ride a bicycle without crashing but she can ride a dirt bike? Comeon.
0:39 “Nice pooper”… what.
0:50 I don’t understand where all of these random characters are coming from.
0:54 Send more security guards… Nope you ruined it.
1:08 Every single horror movie cliche just happened in one minute. I didn’t know that was possible.
1:09 I don’t want any of these characters to survive the whole movie.
1:17 New drinking game: take a shot every time someone goes to shoot their gun and there’s no more ammo left
1:21 Yes it’s over!

Final Verdict:
I don’t even know what to say about Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis. Like, I’m not one to hate someone’s work and call it shit cause I know the hard work that goes in it but that was just bad

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

Tim’s Horror Tweet Reviews: “Deadly Species” (2002)

A few days again I mentioned how we felt deeply sorry for Tim Schilling. FOUR, count em FOUR, one Teddyhead movies in a row with no end in sight. Today we have a review from the last movie from the dreaded Walmart 8 pack from hell entitled Deadly Species. It can’t be as bad as the rest..can it?

Thoughts before the film:
Should I be like everyone else and watch Friday the 13th or something different? And that something different is called Deadly Species, the last movie on that 8 DVD pack I’ve been struggling to finish. Thank god this is the last movie in the 8 pack. I can’t handle anymore bad movies.

Thoughts while watching:
0:03 Someone who digs for fossils would not have painted fingernails. Just no.
0:10 I bet these people are making up words, what the heck is a colusfakada? I don’t even know what they’re saying.
0:15 But why is there a piece of grass going across the lens.
0:24 You’re kidding me right? You were tying your shoe, you were standing ON the bag and you didn’t see it!?
0:29 Haha the name of the generator was Generac… Good old greeking.
0:34 I wish I could find the gates to hell next time I went digging for fossils.
0:37 There aren’t enough tweets in the world to explain just how wrong this movie is.
0:39 Woo 40 minutes in and we finally see the monster creature alien thing!
0:55 It’s always a good idea to shoot into the dark when you can’t even see the target.
0:57 Oh what’s wrong, you’re bored of staring at the computer screen? Don’t talk to me about being bored.
0:58 This just turned into a really bad porno.
1:03 They said the name! I didn’t think the movie would be corny enough to do but it did.
1:09 I like puppets better than CGI, at least this looks corny in the good way.
1:19 Drinking some water stopped this guy from turning into a monster. A lot of thought was put through this.

Final Verdict:
I’m probably one of like 5 people to actually watch ‪#DeadlySpecies‬, and I know why. I don’t think I have to explain myself.

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

No Seconds Please: “Thankskilling” is Mean Spirited, Horror Junk

I decided to watch ThanksKilling (2009) and do a review, which is proving to be somewhat of a frustration for me. There’s little more I can say about this movie other than I found it to be nothing too much more than an ugly, stupid movie. I admire it a little for how much I hate it, only because it’s most likely everything it was intended to be.

The opening shot in this movie is a boob, and the first line right before the first death in the movie is, “Nice tits, bitch,” which surely received a lot of positive responses. I can understand, as it’s a purely tasteless and highly respected quality for an opening scene for a film such as this.

My reaction to the opening scene was only to rub my tired old eyes and sigh.

The movie is only 70 minutes long (it took me three days to watch) and consists of college kids on holiday break being chased by a killer turkey. It’s a typical college movie kid lineup- the jock, the slut, the nerd, the “cool funny” kid, and the final girl.

Did I mention it took me three days to watch? I just don’t think that it’s entertaining enough for how shocking and mean-spirited it is. I’ve seen a lot of grotesque and offensive horror that I can respect and enjoy far more, just because it either had a point to it, or it was fun and entertaining. This movie does none of those for me. The shock, the gore, and the humor- all which are normally great elements to a fun horror movie- were all very tiresome and I felt that a lot of it was just unnecessary added-on junk to something already very junky.

I apologize to those who disagree with how unlovable I found this movie. Some of you who haven’t seen it might really enjoy it, and by all means, have fun with it! I sincerely hope you at least appreciate it more than I did.

–Catherine Kincannon

Tim’s Slasher Tweet Reviews: “Junior” (2003)

Poor, poor Tim Schilling. Buying horror movie 8 packs from WalMart, you gotta admire his dedication in watching every single one of them. If that isn’t a true horror fan, I don’t know what is. Well, today we have another horror flick from the 8 pack of death. This one is titled “Junior”, will it break the bad movie curse?

Thoughts before the film:
I ain’t got nothin to do, so I’ll try to finish this terrible DVD 8 pack. Next up, ‪#Junior

Thoughts while watching:
0:02 Already regretting watching this.
0:10 I think I paid more for this DVD than what this film’s budget was.
0:15 I’m starting to feel as if this movie is more about their car than anything else.
0:21 Hehe I saw you cameramen shadows.
0:32 Every single one of these actors has an accent coming from who the hell knows where.
0:34 I think the car is the bad guy in this movie.
0:35 I sit down and do nothing when someone is banging on the top of my car too!
0:39 I’d love to see the script for this movie. “The car shakes as it growls at the bimbo”
0:40 Aw, too bad there’s an actual person doing the killings. I was really hoping it was the car.
0:43 “It’s barbecue time, you fuck!”
0:55 (said the name)
1:15 This guy keeps on calling an old lady a slut…
1:19 This guy is so mean to his son, too bad the acting is terrible cause otherwise I’d actually feel bad.
1:25 I’ll just pretend to be your mom, and then light you on fire (again) when you’re not looking.
1:29 Oh please don’t let there be a sequel.

Final Verdict:
If ‪#Junior‬ had a better crew behind it, I think it coulda been a decent movie. The story was good, but I don’t think it was carried out well

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

Tim’s Slasher Tweet Reviews: “Bloody Murder 2” (2003)

Yesterday our resident Twitter reviewer Tim Schilling took a look at the awful would be “Friday the 13th” clone “Bloody Murder.” Today he is back with an all new tweet by tweet review for the sequel, cleverly titled “Bloody Murder 2.” Is it as bad as the original or is there hope for this would be franchise after all?

Thoughts before the film:
What am I getting myself into…At least people say this is better than the first. Please be true.

Thoughts while watching:
0:06 They said the name. I look for this in every movie now…
0:07 Wait, so is the girl the same from the first one? I can’t even tell.
0:12 He was counting for 20 seconds… And they made it seem like he was there for 20 minutes waiting for them to hide.
0:13 This movie is exactly the same as the first one so far. What the heck.
0:17 There’s actually blood in this one!
0:25 Death count by arrows in this movie: like, all of them?
0:34 Stop crying, it’s your fault you’re a skank.
0:39 The only good thing about this movie so far is this guy’s catchy ringtone that has gone off about 20 times now.
0:52 I bet they’re gonna try to make it obvious who the killer is again, and then switch it into someone completely random.
0:59 Oh god here’s when it turns into a detective movie just like the first one.
1:11 I told you they would make the killer seem to be someone, and then change it to be someone completely random.

Final Verdict:
The production of ‪#BloodyMurder2‬ was better than the first, but that still didn’t make it a good movie. Boring story, annoying characters. Thank god there isn’t a third entry in this series.

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

Entertainingly Awful Movies: “Saturday the 14th Strikes Back” Review

Saturday the 14th Strikes Back is a film made for people who laugh every damn time Lucy yanks the football away and Charlie Brown falls flat on his butt. Whether the film is attempting comedy, child-friendly monster mayhem, or basic exposition, it finds a way to fail disastrously.

The premise of Saturday the 14th Strikes Back, a sequel in name only, is simple enough. A family lives on top of a passageway to Hell. Creatures of all shapes and sizes pass through the crack and cause madcap tomfoolery for hero Eddie Baxter (Jason Presson) and his family. Eventually, Eddie is tossed an obligatory, unnecessary love interest and forced to battle the very essence of Evil for his family and for humanity as we know it.

Aimed at children, the movie unfolds like a series of skits meant to provide safe, non-menacing monsters mixed with Airplane! style hijinks. In these small moments, Saturday the 14th Strikes Back embarrasses itself repeatedly, like a dog that can’t stop whizzing on the rug.

One gag involves hero Eddie Baxter lamenting his family doesn’t eat normal food as his mom fills his breakfast plate with sugary desserts. It’s not long after that when a scantily clad vampire appears in his bedroom to sing a doo-wop song about being bored with a vampire’s diet. The gags keep coming: the submarine in Eddie’s uncle’s stomach, the pudding sculptures, the monsters on the miniature golf course, the brain burgers, and the cop-out stock footage battle with Evil that ends the whole mess. Each of these moments takes something that barely qualifies as humorous and awkwardly beats each joke like a dead horse. In fact, one of those jokes literally involves dead horses.

The first five minutes of the film say everything. The credits roll over a calm, peaceful beach. The music, as if from another movie, bleats scary horn bursts as nothing more frightening than waves lapping at the sand appears on the screen. Eddie Baxter stumbles through clunky dialogue and, when the camera finally focuses on him, he looks straight into it and tells us this was the summer where he saved the world.

This is a zero Teddy film, but few films are as entertaining as watching this movie try to be clever and fail. It’s simply that earnest and determined, and pity makes belly laughs deeper. Like a kid in socks trying to turn a corner on linoleum, like a drunken man hitting on a waitress, there is humor in watching repeated clumsy failure. For this, Saturday the 14th Strikes Back should be saluted.

–Axel Kohagen

Follow Axel on Twitter: https://twitter.com/mrhorrorpants

Tim’s Slasher Tweet Reviews: “Bloody Murder” (2000)

In 2000, a movie was released that was the end all be all “Friday the 13th” rip off. Too bad the movie in question was about fifteen years too late to capitalize on that franchise’s huge success. The movie was titled “Bloody Murder” and it was ripped apart by horror fans and critics alike with many calling it the single worse horror movie of the decade. While I personality didn’t feel it was THAT bad (did these critics in question watch “Ax Em”?), it certainly wasn’t good by any stretch of the imagination. Today we have our faithful twitter reviewer Tim Schilling ready to take a look at the film to ask the question, “Is Bloody Murder really THAT awful?”

Thoughts before the film:
Finishing up this pretty bad 8 pack from Walmart I got months ago. I’ve been avoiding this… ‪#BloodyMurder‬

Thoughts while watching:
0:02 Chainsaw has been done before.
0:04 I wonder if it’s a law in the writing world to called everyone names Julia, jewels.
0:13 They said the name! I didn’t think they would in this movie.
0:17 They faked being the killer two times already, I’m not gonna believe it’s the killer next time now.
0:25 Lemme just push you off the boat, watch you drown for a little bit then bring you back up.
0:27 I don’t know what movie these people are watching in this, but I’d rather watch that than this one. Make sense?
0:31 Ohhh your watch beeps on the hour… Please let me have your technology.
0:32 Is this a detective movie? Sherlock Holmes right here.
0:39 How did this movie not get sued by the people of Friday the 13th? This is exactly the same.
0:45 Really? A character’s name is Jason? There’s a difference between homages and blatant copying.
0:58 How can someone “seem really tired” if they’re already sleeping?
1:02 Falling on your butt = scratched up knee.
1:05 …oh I’ve seen this movie before. I remember turning it off before I finish it, wonder why.
1:10 No, it was not drew. The guy in the mask was way bigger and taller than her.
1:12 It took like 5 murders for the cops to finally close down the camp.
1:17 This makes absolutely no sense. Like at all. Did a 5 year old write this?
1:24 I bet the guy walking away is the killer in the sequel.
1:25 Wait never mind he’s dead.

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

Worst Horror Sequels: “The Final Destination” (2009)

When it comes to bad movies, I really can’t think of too many that are just terrible movies period because I find most movies enjoyable so I am going to go with a movie that can be considered “so bad, it’s good”.

The fourth film in the series, The Final Destination was supposed to be the finally film in the franchise. But I could say that I am happy they made “Final Destination 5” in 2011 because “The Final Destination” turned out so weak compared to the other films in the series.

The plot is simple because every film overall in the franchise has the same idea about “Death” going after, and killing each person off who survived a terrible accident in the beginning, and you have the “lead” character in every film who could could see when “Death” was around and how a person was going to die. But this film opens with a Race-car track accident, and some survivors making it out alive till “Death” comes after them.

“The Final Destination” was released in August 2009, which was the same weekend that “Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2” came out as well. Of course I passed on “The Final Destination” to see “Halloween 2”, and I was happy I waited till I got the film on Blu-ray because overall it is a mess of a film, and the weakest film in the franchise. I feel that this film just missed what the other films brought in so many ways. First, I dislike a lot of these characters in this film ,besides the lead actor and lead actress, because you really don’t care for any of them, and when they meet their deaths you really don’t feel sorry for them. Second, the script is just a mess because this film really doesn’t focus on story and just focuses on the deaths. Even when you are leading up to someone’s death, it just tries to hard to make the audience think on how this person is going to die.

The story is weak, and I just feel overall the story was a mess. Third, when it comes to the kills in the film they aren’t too special. The opening scene, and one death involving an escalator are the only ones I really like. Fourth, the director is one of my problems because he did a great job with “Final Destination 2” then he went on to direct this weak film in the franchise. At times, it just felt like he didn’t care about the film compared to Part 2. Now, there are a lot of reasons why “The Final Destination” is a mess. But besides that, I have it on Blu-ray, and it is a fun “popcorn flick”. It’s enjoyable, and fun to watch. But in the end, it’s nothing special. In 2011, I was so happy with “Final Destination 5”, and I am so happy they went with a fresh director, writers, crew, and story. Now that is a perfect way to end the series.

–Justin Rhine

Worst Horror Movies Ever Made: “Frogs” (1972)

This is such a bad film and not the “so good its bad” type of bad, just bad. I remember I got this film on DVD back in the early 2000’s and it was 1 dollar, when I popped it in I was expecting some cheesiness(I mean come on a hand coming out of a frogs mouth is laughable), but about 10 minutes into the film I found myself scratching my head at how the hell this film could have been commissioned to be made and even worse how a big actor(at the time)like Sam Elliott could have been convinced to play in this. The film should be titled “Amphibians” or “Reptiles” as I don’t remember a physical attack made by a frog, lizard, turtles and other swamp creatures, the frogs don’t really do anything until the end and even than they don’t attack.

The acting is just not up to par with anything resembling this type of flick and the way it is written and directed you can tell there was no love put in this film. This film would look better on the SyFy channel, but considering this was given a theatrical release makes it even worse.

I can’t really say much about the film, I haven’t see it in years and the plot to me was just stupid when I watched it I didn’t care to remember it, except the family the reptiles are killing are those who have been killing the life in their home, so you can say its supposed to be The Birds but with amphibians and reptiles.

–Eric Curto

Worst Horror Movies Ever Made: “Children of the Living Dead” (2001)

Let me just say I thought it was an interesting experiment what Russo did with the 30th Anniversary Edition of the film he co-wrote with George Romero(for those who don’t know he co-wrote Night of the Living Dead and went on to the produce the first Return of the Living Dead, when he and Romero split ways), but taking out footage and adding into the film it allowed for him to show his own version that he can really call his own, was it successful, well not always, it is nice that he got the original cemetery zombie actor back, but being 30 years later you can tell he has aged and a lot of the scenes really make no sense, in my opinion he could have filmed scenes featuring some of what we hear the people talk about and find a way around showing them directly, but that is another review, this is for the film that came after it, which is much much worse.

I had heard about this film for quite a while and after getting the 30th Anniversary Edition(as well as the Millennium Edition)of the original film, I thought I’d at least find out what all the hate was about, I mean the film is so bad the director apologized for making it. What I found was that this film is just a disaster from start to finish, the make up FX on the zombies was terrible and looked like it was done by film students, the acting was horrendous, making you wonder if they were just plucked from the street and not even given lessons, the pacing of the film is the slowest, I mean its not even that long of a film, but it feels longer than Wes Craven’s New Nightmare’s credit sequence.

Tom Savini is put down as a star and while he is in this film, I’d say he is more of a nostalgia cameo, like in Land of the Dead(however that continued his character from Dawn of the Dead, this was new). The box cover says, “From the Executive Producer of A Nightmare on Elm Street” and while this is referring to Joseph Wolf (upon further looking he did work on Halloween 2 and 3),saying that doesn’t mean it’ll be good, it just means they got someone who was on a better film.

The other thing is what does this have to do with the previous film? I mean putting down “Living Dead” doesn’t make it a sequel, I mean if it did we have 5 films in the “Return” series, we have a film called “Flight of the Living Dead” and so on. Before you mention the Romero franchise, there is a common thread in those films, the zombie evolve in each film and in each film we get just a peek more of the reality of their evolution, this has none of that. Like I said before the acting is just horrible, the cinematography felt like it was done by a used camera from a library, a lot of night scenes making it hard to even see the characters, now I know in some films that’s useful to create suspense, but too much of anything is bad and its bad here.

I just don’t know anything good to say abut the film, its not worth owning and seeing as its not part of a collection, I don’t see a reason to even own it. You’d be happier doing what Ash does in Evil Dead II and sawing your hand off and letting it give the finger to it.

–Eric Curto