Five Christmas Horrors To Watch This Bloody Season

Merry Christmas from those of us at Slasher Studios. To celebrate we are bringing you five Christmas style horror movies to watch this holiday season. Movies with blood and gore and just enough of the Christmas spirit to make you appreciate having a blood red Christmas Day.

5. Silent Night Deadly Night 5-The Toymaker

Ohh the joys of the “Silent Night, Deadly Night” series. One of the few horror franchises that never really hit the mainstream but, of course, that didn’t stop them from making four (fairly unrelated) sequels. While many horror purists believe that the first one is the only “good” entry in the series, I have always had a bit of a fondness for the joys and the awfulness of the fifth installment: “Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker.”

A sequel by name only, “The Toymaker” is one of the strangest sequels I’ve ever seen. A young boy sees his father killed by a toy that was anonymously delivered to his house. After that, he is too traumatized to speak, and his mother must deal with both him and the loss of her husband. Meanwhile, a toy maker named Joe Peto (a name that is just too damn funny to be unintentionally hilarious) builds some suspicious-looking toys, and a mysterious man creeps around both the toy store and the boy’s house…but who is responsible for the killer toys? The twist at the end needs to be seen to be believed (shades of “Sleepaway Camp”), “The Toymaker” is fun with a capital F. I can’t in all honesty say this is a “good” film but I can say that you’ve never seen anything like it. Besides who DOESN’T want to see a horror movie version of Pinocchio?

Have yourself a bloody merry Christmas and give “Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker” a chance. It is 80′s horror at its cheesy finest. Yes, yes I know this movie was made in 1991 but I refuse to believe that. The early 90′s was a time of horror blandness and this is anything but. I can’t say that this movie is for everyone but it doesn’t deserve the reputation it has received. Have a few drinks and enjoy!

4. Santa’s Slay
On Christmas Eve of 2005, the Mason family is enjoying Christmas dinner when Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) comes down the chimney and kills them all. Some of the deaths include Santa stabbing someones hands to the table with steak knives, causing a girl to faint and fall back into a sharp pole that impales through her head, Virginia’s head is set on fire and is then drowned in eggnog, a man tries to fight Santa and gets pushed into a glass case and dies, Santa then grabs a leg from the table and smashes in a woman’s head as she pleads, “I’ve been good!”, the last girl tries to escape but Santa throws a star into her back, and lastly the man who got stabbed in the hands get a chicken leg lodged down his throat. This opening scene includes bit roles from several famous Jewish actors, including James Caan, Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and Rebecca Gayheart.

Riding on his sleigh driven by his “hell-deer”, Santa arrives at Hell Township and proceeds to kill the locals in various holiday-themed ways. In one of his slaughters, Santa kills the occupants of a local strip club frequented by Pastor Timmons (Dave Thomas), a crooked minister who manages to survive the massacre. Later, Santa murders the local Jewish deli owner Mr. Green (Saul Rubinek) using his own menorah.

Meanwhile, teenager Nicholas Yuleson (Douglas Smith) is living with his crazy grandfather (Robert Culp), a crackpot inventor who has created a bunker in their basement to survive Christmas. When Nicholas asks Grandpa why he hates Christmas, he is shown “The Book of Klaus”, which reveals the origins of Santa Claus. Apparently, Santa was the result of a virgin birth produced by Satan (just as Jesus was the result of a virgin birth produced by God- meaning that Santa is somewhat of an Antichrist). Christmas was “The Day of Slaying” for Santa until, in 1005 AD, an angel defeated Santa in a curling match and sentenced Santa to deliver presents on Christmas for 1000 years. This means that Santa is free to kill again in 2005. As goofy as it sounds and just as fun.

3. Christmas Evil
Suburban New Jersey, Christmas Eve – 1947: A Christmas Eve experience traumatizes Harry. He catches his mother being sexually groped by Santa Claus (actually Harry’s dad). The child then goes up to the attic and cuts his hand with a shard of glass from a shattered snow globe.

Thirty-three years later, an adult Harry now works in “a lousy position” at the Jolly Dreams toy factory. At home, he has taken it upon himself to become the next true Santa; he sleeps in costume, and his apartment is resplendent with Christmas toys and décor. From the roof of his building, he uses binoculars to spy on neighborhood children to see if they have been ‘bad or good’ (two children are doing household chores and playing with their doll, the third child, Moss Garcia, is shown rifling through a Penthouse magazine and cutting out a nude photograph). Harry runs back home and writes Moss’ name in his “Bad Boys & Girls” book. He is now fully ready to take on the role of Santa.

A sincere stab at a psychological horror that may leave some slasher fans cold but I found this movie to be rich in original characters. Make sure to watch this one with the John Waters commentary. Priceless.

2. Silent Night Deadly Night
Described as “The ULTIMATE Killer Santa Movie”, where would Christmas be without a deranged, batshit crazy Santa? After his parents are murdered by a scalpel-wielding Santa, a young boy is sent to an orphanage. He ends up spying on two people having sex, and learns sex is a very naughty thing. A few years later, in a little, old fashioned department store, the kid is given the ultimate job: SANTA CLAUS. After seeing two people having sex in the storage room, he has flashbacks of his parents’ murder, and ends up killing them both. He then sets off on a massive killing spree. Can he be stopped? Or will Santa deliver new presents to all the little kids? This film is a hell of a lot of fun and the protests behind the film only add to the enjoyment. Well, kind of….

“Silent Night Deadly Night” is the kind of movie that makes you want to take a shower immediately after watching it. The entire experience just kind of makes you feel a little bit “icky”. Seriously, how else do you describe a movie in which a mother is raped in front of her children, a Santa Claus is shot down in cold blood in front of a bunch of orphaned children, or a scene in which a young girl is given a murder weapon by Santa immediately after he has killed her babysitter and the babysitter’s boyfriend? “Silent Night, Deadly Night” is not exactly the kind of feel good holiday movie that is sure to put a smile on your face.

I cannot in good faith recommend “Silent Night Deadly Night” to everyone. The acting is quite poor, the direction is flat, and the story has too many loose ends (don’t even get me started on the worthless sequel). But, those going into this film will know exactly what to expect. It is fun, for what it is. Just don’t expect much. That being said, I cannot ignore the fact that it is a slasher movie classic.

1. Black Christmas
Forget about the 2006 version, THIS movie is where the terror really started. It’s time for Christmas break, and the sorority sisters make plans for the holiday, but the strange anonymous phone calls are beginning to put them on edge. When Clare disappears, they contact the police, who don’t express much concern. Meanwhile Jess is planning to get an abortion, but boyfriend Peter is very much against it. The police finally begin to get concerned when a 13-year-old girl is found dead in the park. They set up a wiretap to the sorority house, but will they be in time to prevent a sorority girl attrition problem?

“Black Christmas” is that rare horror movie that gets everything right. This is a movie that just oozes atmosphere. Every frame is dripping with dread and setting the film on the Christmas just adds to the excitement of it all. Not only this but the film is also scary as hell with some excellent performances and an ending that is sure to give every horror fan chills. What is the most incredible aspect of this groundbreaking slasher film? Throughout the entire film, we see various sorority girls getting hacked to death and receiving strange telephone calls. What we don’t see is our psycho, Billy. No motive, no reason, no face, no man..Billy could be anyone of us. If that doesn’t make a true psycho, I really don’t know what does.

“Black Christmas” is quite simply the best horror movie I’ve ever seen. Some give the credit to “Halloween” to being the first real American slasher film but that simply is not fair. “Black Christmas” did it first and did it better. It is the grandmother of the slasher film, four years before “Halloween”. “Black Christmas’” power is impossible to deny; its characters are compelling, the imagery poignant, and the acting top-notch. If you haven’t seen it yet, you are in for one scary “Christmas” treat.