A Dull Buzz: “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2003) Review

Slasher StudiosTexas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

After buying this on Blu-ray this Friday and watching it over the weekend I was reminded (or reconfirmed) how much I hate this movie, and even more baffling, how many praise and even claim it’s superior over the original. I admit I got sucked up into the hype of this remake and remember getting super excited when I saw the teaser with the new Leatherface sliding the door shut.

I invited some friends to opening night letting them know that it was going to be GREAT. Lo and behold, they adored it and were even scared by it. Me on the other hand felt a strong feeling of dislike growing in me, clouding my senses with cloying smut.

For starters, the plot is so damn transparent and with the originals blue print to follow completely destroy any sense of momentum.The original had the teens going to the house one by one succumbing to Leatherface and his family of psychos. With the remake it was all over the place, too many characters, not enough plot. How many damn times are the characters going to walk to the house, walk to the van, walk to the house, ARGH!! just cut through that damn field already!

I didn’t feel one ounce of suspense in this remake and the original and I’m ALWAYS highly effected and disturbed by the original no matter how many times I see it. The remake has all the gore you could want but it’s done with zero grace and subtly and is smacked along side your head, as if that will make it any scarier.

I also really despised the characters with their Kevin Williamson reject dialogue. Pepper’s little speech at the beginning remind you of any Scream characters? Or Jessica Biel and all the politically correct bullshit she brought to the table. “Don’t do drugs!!” “Don’t have sex” “Don’t just leave the disturbed girl on the side of the road!” “VOTE! “BRUSH YOUR TEETH! SAVE THE WHALES It’s like shut the hell up already, I don’t care if the camera loves your butt that doesn’t make up for your horrid character. If it wasn’t for her and doing the right thing, everyone would be at the Leonard Skynard concert, smoking up, having sex. not getting butchered. Doe anyone else get outraged by this? Or how she magically saves the baby and escapes the clutches of Leatherface seemingly without any hysterics ala Marilyn Burns.

The family was not as creepy or interesting as the original family. Although they are very good in the prequel, I actually really like the prequel and it’s mean streak, it’s very UN-politically correct and I love it for that, Leatherface is so bad ass in the prequel, I think that one is underrated.

It’s a sad time for Tobe Hooper when many on IMDB and wherever claim this is superior and more intense and more relevant, etc. All I like about this remake is the brilliant polished look it helms, by music video guru Marcus Nispel, but I don’t want Texas Music Video Massacre, it just feels cheap.

–Vince Fontaine

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Tim’s Slasher Tweet Reviews: “Primal” (2010)

Slasher Studios*Slasher Tweet Review

Busy day here at Slasher Studios. Not only did we have for you FIVE brand new overrated horror selections but we also have for you another tweet-by-tweet review from our guest film critic Tim Schilling! Know the concept by now? We take a movie and give you a running commentary through twitter. After the film is done, we will post the review over here at Slasher Studios. Tim takes a look today at the Australian horror film “Primal.” Let’s just say that it is no “Wolf Creek”….

Thoughts before the film:
Only reason I’m watching this movie is cause I’m too lazy to put a DVD in. Thanks for on demand. #Primal

Thoughts while watching:
0:03 Sick intro/time lapse thing.
0:08 It sounds like each one of these people are speaking different languages at parts, I don’t understand a thing.
0:14 What is this chick’s name and why does it sound like people are screaming Chinese when they talk to her?!
0:15 I’m not really feelin it so far. Nothing has even happened haha
0:15 “Get your winky wet!” crazy Australians. Or whatever these people even are.
0:20 Who just carries around salt ready for something like that??
0:25 I seriously cannot understand what these people are saying. Anyone else have this problem while watching this?
0:26 Her tooth fell out. Great, now I’ll have a nightmare somehow related to my teeth. Happens every time.
0:30 *yaaaawnnnn*
0:30 I take that yawn back.
0:34 Oh poor kangaroo… at least I know that these people are Australian now…
0:35 I will say this movie has some nice camera shots. Some, key word.
0:41 This disease apparently turns you into a ninja.
1:08 What is this, an action movie now?
1:14 This bitch wasn’t 9 months pregnant 5 minutes ago…
1:17 This is like 8 different stories trying to be one movie.

Overall:
#Primal was basically a not so great mix of 28 Days Later, Cabin Fever and The Ruins.. Even though I only saw parts of The Ruins.

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

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Overrated Horror Directors: Dario Argento

Slasher Studios*Giallo

As mentioned before, Slasher Studios Horror Film Club is taking on the overrated horror movies of the genre. Movies that, for whatever reason, we just never warmed up to. John Pata has decided to take it one step further. He is hunting down a director that genre fans LOVE but he has a few problems with. Are you ready for this John? This might not be pretty….

Stepping away from the original idea, so instead of going with one film in particular, I’m going with a director: Dario Argento (if we wanted to narrow it down to a film, I’ll go with Suspiria). I must not have the Argento-gene, I know many people who love Argento’s films, and I just cannot get into them. I will say, I have not seen ALL of his films, but a fair amount. To be exact, I have seen: Deep Red, Suspiria, Inferno, Tenebre, and Phenomena. Funny thing is, I’m a big fan of Demons, which Argento co-wrote. So apparently I can tolerate and enjoy when he is not behind the camera.

So what about Argento don’t I enjoy? Well, for starters, Italian horror is hit or miss with me. Most of the time, gore is the focus which is completely fine with me, seeing how I love gore. Usually the writing is crap, the acting is flat, the pace is slow as hell, and the gore is the redeeming factor. This is very true for the Italian flicks I do like, Burial Ground and Night of the Zombies as examples. I find Argento’s titles to be prime examples of this, too. It might not make sense for me to be okay with the lesser qualities in some Italian films, but not with Argento. I understand that, and I think what it boils down to is that some of these titles are held in such high regard. It’s not like people gush about Beyond The Darkness being one of the best horror films. But when Suspiria gets all the praise, I am dumbfounded.

I must also say, I am not much of a fan of art films, and Argento definitely has more of an artsy feel that other Italian directors. For me personally, it’s hard for me to see anything but pretentiousness behind an art film.

I wouldn’t go as far as saying, “I don’t understand why people like Argento”. Different strokes. He’s just not for me at all.

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Great Moms of Horror: Corrine Foxworth (“Flowers in the Attic”)/Donna Trenton (“Cujo”)

Slasher Studios*Slasher Movie Moms

Corrine Foxworth. Not straight up horror, but what she does is appalling. Imagine being locked up in a attic for 4 years manipulated, abused, tortured, and eventually fed arsenic poisoning (in a pretty chalice no less) by your own mother all for money. That’s messed up big time.

—Vince Fontaine

DEE WALLACE… the ultimate horror movie mom as far as I’m concerned. No matter if she’s trying to save her baby from being eaten by a cannibal clan in the desert, protecting her young son from both heat exhaustion and a crazy rabid St. Bernard or battling an army of hungry little alien fuzzballs along with her family, she’s at the top of her game.

—Brian C Tyler

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Great Moms of Horror: Ma (“American Gothic”)/Mrs. Wadsworth (“The Baby”)

Slasher Studios*Horror

Who can’t admit that Yvonne DeCarlo has an excellent look for playing this type of character?

Ma and Pa live with their three “children” on an island that they want to keep all to themselves. Anyone that threatens their “existence” ends up being murdered at the hands of this demented family. When an airplane has to make a crash landing on the island, the poor travelers have no clue what they are in for when they meet the ultra religious, ultra demented family. And nobody can deny the influence “Ma” has over her family. Whether she is whipping up homemade apple pies or burying knitting needles in someone’s body, this is one Ma that deserves to be remembered!

Remember…. No smoking at the dinner table. Or else

The ultimate mother from hell! Ruth Roman as Mrs. Wadsworth in The Baby (1973).

Mrs. Wadsworth and her two daughters have a dirty little family secret. They are forcing their brother (who is at least in his 20s) to remain an infant. Mrs. Wadsworth has a sick love for her son but also a hate for him because of how the men in her life have treated her. When a concerned social worker steps in to help, things really get out of control spiraling to a battle to the death involving meat cleavers, fireplace pokers, chairs, hatchets, etc… Who will end up with baby? And why?

Excellent film with an excellent scenery chewing performance from Ruth Roman as the cunning and cruel mother. “You damn BITCH” she says with such venom as she stares down the social worker on her front porch…. They don’t make movies like this anymore.

—-Nathan Johnson

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Great Moms of Horror: Debbie Salt (“Scream 2”)

Slasher Studios*Slasher Movie Moms

*********SPOILERS*************

While Rebecca De Mornay is by far my favorite horror mom, 2nd place for me would go to Mrs. Loomis aka Debbie Salt in Scream 2. Throughout the movie we see Laurie Metcalfe as the annoying news reporter following Gale around the Windsor College campus begging for an interview as Gale’s “biggest fan”. However when we come to the reveal of who the 2nd and last killer it is, it’s none other than Ms. Salt herself. But wait, Sidney recognizes her….”Mrs. Loomis?” and to quote the other killer Mickey: “Billy’s…mother!” It’s at this point when shit gets real. Once Mrs. Loomis thinks she’s killed both Micky and Gale, it’s a stand off between Mrs. Loomis and Sid. As the scene progresses, we gradually see Mrs. L really lose it. Sid takes swipes at her as a mother and at her dead son. Till finally Loomis flips out and will stop at nothing until Sid is dead. What I like about Mrs. Loomis is that the woman really knows how to blend in. Not only that but she held tough throughout the whole battle with Sid. That is until Sid put a bullet in her head. Metcale really and excellently channels the infamous Pamels Voorhees in this movie. Starting really sweet when we first meet her, to turning fucking psycho by the end. Who woulda thought Aunt Jackie from Roseanne could have tackled a role like this?

–Cody Landman

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Tim’s Slasher Tweet Review: “Child’s Play” (1988)

Slasher Studios*Slasher Tweet Review

Guess what slasher fans? We have another great tweet-by-tweet review from our guest film critic Tim Schilling! I’m sure by now you guys are familiar with the concept: We take a movie and give you a running commentary through twitter. After the film is done, we will post the review over here at Slasher Studios. Today Tim takes a look at the killer doll classic “Child’s Play.” Wanna play?

Thoughts before the film:
It won’t need much to impress. Considering 3 is my favorite in the series and I actually liked Seed of Chucky.

Thoughts while watching:
0:04 Is he wearing lipstick or is that blood on his lips…?
0:05 How does one say a curse that puts your soul into a doll and then blows up a building?!
0:13 If a manager ever talked to me like that I’d probably kick em.
0:18 I love that we get to know and care for the people in this movie, you don’t see that too often in horror movies.
0:18 Well that’s how I feel at least about it…
0:21 They put an actual hammer in a child’s play set!
0:33 What raggedy city does this movie take place in? I’ve had nightmares about places like these before.
0:26 The sounds that these clowns make are gonna give me nightmares. Hopefully?
0:35 I thought the abandoned house thing was the sequel.. I’m getting these movies mixed up.
0:43 When she finds the batteries in the box, this part scared the crap outta me when I was younger.
0:49 Please tell me there really aren’t neighborhoods that are as scary as they are here…
0:50 This dude knows it’s Charles Lee Ray, he gave that look like three times so far. He’s too much of a wuss to say it.
0:55 How does a break pedal just fall off?
1:03 How does Chucky know the chant if he killed that guy before he told him?
1:04 This kid was so darn adorable in the beginning, now I just feel bad for him.
1:09 “Ugly doll!” “fuq u”
1:12 There’s the cheesy 80’s effects I love!
1:18 This bitch got aim!
1:22 This movie must have been so much fun to make.

Overall:
I might be in the minority here, but #ChildsPlay is one of my favorite slashers. #ChildsPlay: good acting,good story without crazy plots holes& overall good production considering the bigger budget it had for a horror film

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

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Underrated Craven Creations: “Deadly Friend” (1986)

Slasher Studios*Horror

Once again courtesy of the Slasher Studios Film Club we have another underrated Wes Craven pick. Savagely beated by critics and ignored by audiences, our guest film critic Austin Wolf-Sothern takes a look at the underrated “Deadly Friend.”

Deadly Friend (1986)
A brilliant teen, with an understanding of neuro-science and robotics, has built an adorable robot named BB who rambles nonsense in an adorably demonic voice. But the robot is destroyed by neighbor Anne Ramsey, and shortly after that, the girl he has fallen for (Kristy Swanson, also fucking adorable) dies. Sad and desperate, he does the only practical thing. Brings both of them back at the same time by putting the brain of BB into the body of Swanson. Things don’t work out exactly as planned, though, as his new friend turns out to have some deadly qualities. The plot may have some absurd elements, but if you can embrace it, this is one of the saddest, most touching movies you will ever see. I was genuinely distraught by the end of it.

Basically, it’s a horror movie that manages to combine a plethora of cuteness with heart-breaking tragedy, centered around a robot and a pretty girl, with moments of disturbing cruelty, some gory effects, and one of the best kill scenes of all time (it involves a basketball). In other words, this movie was made for me personally! The film’s been largely dismissed because it jumps genres a bit, and sometimes seems like it was made for kids, but other times is clearly intended as adult horror, leaving people wondering what audience it’s meant for. Well, it’s me. I am the audience. And presumably like-minded others as well. It is unbearably appealing, absolutely perfect in every single way, and I completely, whole-heartedly love it.

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Slasher Studios Horror Webcast: Best Horror Movie Moms

Slasher Studios*Slasher Studios Podcast

In honor of Mother’s Day, our hosts of Slasher Studios Webcast, Kevin Sommerfield and Steve Goltz, will be talking about their favorite horror movie moms. Mother moms who knew how to slice and dice with lots of style and knew how to keep it in the family. Show starts Sunday May 13th at 10PM central. Click on the link below to listen in live or to check out an archive of a previous epsiode.

Slasher Studios Horror Webcast

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Pick “FLIK” To Get “Teddy” and “Popularity Killer” to the SeeFlik Finals

Slasher Studios*Popularity Killer

Have you seen our slasher shorts Teddy and Popularity Killer yet? Well here is your chance to not only watch them but to help us get to the horror final rounds at SeeFlik. It’s easy to do, just click on the links below to vote for our films. Just click FLIK, that’s all you gotta do! You can long in using your facebook or your twitter accounts and you are ready to go! Thank you everyone for the support that you’ve shown our films lately and let’s see these two slashers get to the finals!

“SeeFlik is designed to be the most student/alumni friendly festival ever created. There is a simple online application and upload process with no cost to the filmmaker. Once we affirm your status as a current or former student, we post the film and you are entered in the competition. It’s that simple. If we have 4,000 entries, all 4,000 films are entered in the competition. Additionally, we will have two to three competitions per year. We are awarding $50,000 per competition in prizes plus a winner’s showcase for talent agencies, studios and networks. Finally, our judging is conducted in two ways: first, a traditional judging panel comprised of some of the most important screenwriters and producers in Hollywood today and second, you the viewer who can also vote for his/her favorite film much like American Idol.”

To vote for Popularity Killer:
http://www.seeflik.com/popularity-killer

To vote for Teddy:
http://www.seeflik.com/teddy-0

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