Dull “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D” Needs a Sharper Script
Before I begin this review, let me ask you a question. When was the last time you saw a horror movie released to theaters in the month of January that actually turned out to be good? The Devil Inside? White Noise? The Unborn? Well, if you answered any of those films, you and I have a serious difference of opinion on the word “good.” The one exception I will maybe give you is My Blood Valentine 3D. What is my point here? There is a reason why studios release horror films in January, 9 times out of 10 they are too awful to be released on the movie going public any other time of year. So, when today’s film, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D, was moved from October 2012 to January 2013, all expectations for this film dropped. Did Lions gate realize they had a clunker on their hands or were they just afraid of the juggernaut known as Paranormal Activity? With low expectations but hopes high to see some bloody carnage on the silver screen yet again, I bought my ticket for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D. What I got was something I wasn’t expecting, that’s for damn sure.
After we receive about five minutes of awesome flashback clips from the original slasher classic. The film begins the day after the events of the first film,. The townspeople of this small town decide to get some vigilantly justice on the infamous Sawyer family. Led by Mayor Burt Hartman (Paul Rae), they decide to burn down the farmhouse of the Sawyer family for their murders committed in the original film. After the fire, The entire family is assumed to be dead. But, being a horror film, we know this isn’t true. Turns out an infant, Edith Sawyer, is found by one of the townsman who takes the baby in with his wife to raise her as their own.
Twenty years later (or twenty some years later, the chronological continuity of this film is a bit on the wonky side), the infant has grown up to become a butcher with named Heather Mills (played by an appealing but far too trashy looking Alexandra Daddario). She receives news that her grandmother has died and she is needed to appear in person to accept her inheritance. With her boyfriend Ryan (a not terrible but not exactly good Trey Songz) and two other friends, Nikki (a slutty and altogether annoying Tania Raymonde) and Kenny (Keram Malicki-Sánchez) along for the ride, the foursome hit the road to Texas. They pick up a hitchhiker along the way named Darryl because they obviously have never seen the original OR the remake, otherwise they would know better that picking up a hitchhiker in movie with the any of the words Texas, Chainsaw, or Massacre in the title is a very bad idea. When they arrive in the town, Heather finds out that she has inherited her Grandmother’s house. Like does she know, Leatherface comes with the land.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D is a movie that can be evenly “sawed” in half between the good and the very, very bad. Daddario is easy on the eyes as our heroine Heather but she is stupid as hell and doesn’t seem to be smart enough to put anything together before the audience does. A late act reveal involving her character and another character is meant to be shocking but it is obvious from the moment we meet this person that they are nothing but trouble. Heather and her friends are stupid and honestly deserve to die. They make all of the typical horror movie mistakes. Let’s check out the basement! Let’s stop while running so the killer can catch up with me! But, as soon as..SPOILER ALERT: all of Heather’s friends die…the film becomes shockingly successful and the last act has a rush of adrenaline that is shockingly missing from the rest of the film.
When we are given the final twist (if you don’t get this at least a half an hour before it happens, you need to give up your horror card ASAP), I was rooting with Heather as well as the movie instead of passionately against it. Who knew that all Heather’s friends had to do was die in order for her to grow as a person and actually, shockingly, become likable. The deaths are hit-or-miss with a torso cut horizontally in half being the highlight and a terrible CGI death involving a meat grinder as the very low point. As bad as the first thirty minutes of this film are (the fire is laughably bad CGI from the early days of Nintendo 64), the last hour is definitely worth checking out. Don’t miss the final scene after the end credits. It is a gem of dark comedy that is missing from the rest of the film. In the end, this Massacre isn’t bad as it is forgettable. This blade definitely needs sharping.
Horror Re-Views: “Drag Me to Hell” (2009)
Welcome to our very first installment of Horror Re-Views here at Slasher Studios. The purpose of this new feature is to take a look at a horror movie in which we either loved or hated and see if we still have the same emotions on a rewatch. Today we will be look at Sam Raimi’s “Drag Me to Hell.” Although the film received rave reviews from critics (over 90% on Rotten Tomatoes), the film never seemed to find an audience barely making its $40 million budget back at the box office. Now, three and a half years after its initial release..how does the film hold up? Two years ago, I gave the film a perfect 4 Teddyhead score. Will I love it as much now?
From my original review: How this film was granted a PG-13 I’ll never know. A waterfall of a nosebleed, gooey dentures, dancing goats, maggots…if you can imagine it, it’s here. The film works as a social satire (the death of the middle and lower classes) and as a horror/comedy (the ritual at the end has to be seen to be believed). The performances are top natch and the ending is quite ballsy in its conviction (you’ll see it coming a mile away but will be surprised they actually follow through on it). Overall though, if you love movies like “The Evil Deadâ€, “Army of Darknessâ€, or “Cabin Feverâ€, it’s a must watch. It is one of the best horror films of 2009.
Re-watch: One thing remains the same about “Drag Me to Hell,” I love the atmosphere and I love the mood of the film. From the opening old school Universal logo to the gothic settings, the film looks spectacular with some of the best cinematography I’ve ever seen. What doesn’t work so well is the mixing of horror and comedy. On my initial viewing, I discussed how much I loved the ritual scene involving the “man-goat” and how hilarious I thought it was.
In the re-watch, I lightly chuckled but felt as if it were at bit too on-the-nose. Horror-comedies that know they are funny don’t usually succeed and this one definitely tries to have its bloody cake and eat it too. What also doesn’t work is the PG-13 rating. In my original review, I stated how I thought this was the bloodiest PG-13 rated film that I had ever seen. In the rewatch, I still felt that way but felt as though the film could have used a little bit more. I felt too often the film was holding back.
That said, I love Sam Raimi and my love for him makes me really like this film. As I originally stated, I remember staying up late at night as a child watching the original “Evil Dead†through the corners of my fingers. It scared the hell out of me but, at the same time, there was something genuinely gratuitously amazing about the film. It was bold, bloody, filled with puss and maggots, and gore. It was incredible. If the nine year old me at the time could have married anything, it would have been “The Evil Dead.” If he were to return to the horror genre, Drag Me to Hell was a fine choice but I no longer love this movie as I originally did. It’s a good horror movie with some flaws but a hell of a great look.
New Re-View Score:
Not Quite Horror: “Seeking a Friend For the End of the World” (2012)
The following are reviews of films not traditionally considered horror films. By analyzing them as horror films (identifying the monster, discussing the shared worry for the audience and the main characters, and understanding the depth of horror available to the viewer), who knows? There more than one way to watch a movie.
— I am indebted to Noel Carroll’s The Philosophy of Horror for his ideas on defining horror, as well as John Skipp and Craig Spector’s article “Death’s Rich Pageantry, or Skipp & Spector’s Handy-Dandy Splatterpunk Guide to the Horrors of Non-horror Film†in Cut! Horror Writers on Horror Film for a similar idea.
Seeking a Friend for The End of the World (2012)
The Monster: The monster in Dodge’s (Steve Carell’s) life is a meteor named Matilda. Dodge’s significant other leaves him when it’s clear Matilda cannot be stopped from destroying life on Earth. Matilda’s presence hangs over the entire film. People pound booze, screw strangers, and look for quicker ways to die.
As monsters go, Matilda can hold her own. She’s capable of destroying billions of lives and, like the old poem goes, her gaze is blank and pitiless as the sun. She’s never shown on the screen, yet she’s the reason for all the tragedies in Dodge’s world.
The Shared Fate: Lost in a steady stream of quirky romantic comedies from Winona Ryder and beyond, Seeking a Friend For the End of the World is more bite than bark. Dodge’s love for Penny (Keira Knightley) grows, but impending death is always the next topic of conversation.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World refuses to separate the tender moments of falling in love from death. By fusing these elements together, the resulting film is more Gothic love song than quirky rom-com. The death coming behind Matilda is tragic and non-supernatural, just like what can be seen on national news channels. Identifying with Dodge’s fate is easy.
The Horror: Traditional horror films are no stranger to using disasters to heighten the horrors of humanity. Monsters, demons, aliens, and zombies have threatened the human race on film, before even sound and color arrived.
Tonally, traditional horror movies have difficulty keeping viewers unsettled after they grow acclimated to the despair of the situation. Because Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is equal parts menace and sweetness, it is unsettling at its very core. In this way it becomes impossible to predict, emotionally.
The closer death comes, the sweeter love gets for Dodge and Penny. And maybe for the rest of us, too.
–Axel Kohagen
Follow Axel on Twitter: @mrhorrorpants
Slasher Studios Tournament: YOU Pick the Ultimate Final Girl (Round One)
Are you slasher fans ready to play another slasher game? Much like last time in which you decided the ultimate villain, this time YOU decide who wins the crown of ultimate final girl. We have four match ups in round one to vote for. You can vote once per day and at the end of the week, the winners for each round will go on to the next round for another battle. The ultimate final girl will be determined by you and will be announced on January 31st. Only you can decide who deserves the crown so vote and make sure to tell your slasher friends about it as well.
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Kevin & Steve’s Slashers: An Invitation to “Happy Birthday to Me”
Welcome to a brand new segment on Slasher Studios: Kevin & Steve’s Slasher Reviews. Every Tuesday, Kevin and Steve will be taking on a classic slasher and reviewing it here at Slasher Studios together. This is no ordinary review. These two will be discussing the film as they watch it and reporting the findings to you. This week the duo take on the 1981 slasher classic “Happy Birthday to Me.”
Kevin: “Happy Birthday to Me†is preposterous, over-the-top, and silly. A blend of all of the 80′s excesses rolled into one far too long film (outside of the Scream franchise NO horror movie should run upwards of two hours). This is a fun film that really could have benefited from a shorter running time. As much fun as I had with this film the way it is, I feel this movie would have had an even stronger story and maybe even more of following if a few cuts were made here and there. Nonetheless, “Birthday†works. Maybe it is the silly deaths (gotta love the shish-ka-bob to the mouth or the weights to the crotch) or maybe its the outlandish ending that doesn’t even try to make any sense whatsoever. Seriously, a Mission Impossible style mask? Any plan that involves drugging someone several times in a week with a latex mask made to resemble said person is probably a plan that is too convoluted by half.
Steve: The whole mask issue at the end didn’t really bother me as much as maybe I wanted it to. Is it out of place? Yes. Does this bring up a number of unneeded question? It sure does. But, like many great films, we need to suspend r disbelief and just enjoy the ride.
Kevin: Nevertheless, whatever it is, this movie put a blood red smile across my face for the majority of its running time. Great atmosphere (love the gothic style setting of the university), steady cinematography, and a capable cast also help matters considerably. Also, I gotta give the movie credit for actually giving us characters we like and care about. These are people we really don’t want to see die and we mourn the loss for several of them after they do die.
Steve: I gotta say how refreshing it is to watch a film and actually enjoy the characters. So, props go out to the writing, direction and casting for working together to create a well thought out and well liked cast. Whether we talk about the jock or the nerd, we have fun with them all and in a strange and maybe morbid way, I was happy to see them all again at the corpse party.
Kevin: I can’t say this is a great movie by any stretch of the imagination but if you are looking for a fine, fun 80′s slasher, this is definitely one of the better ones. Further note, the recent blu-ray of Happy Birthday to Me (on a combo pack with the original When a Stranger Calls) features an HD print that makes the film look better than it has ever looked before. Well worth tracking down! I have this film 3.5 bloody shisk-ka-bobs out of 4.
Steve: Happy birthday to me is a must see for any slasher fan. Track it down today and have a movie night headlined by this 80’s gem.
So Bad It’s Scary: “New Year’s Evil” (1980) Review
Released in 1980, New Year’s Evil is yet another holiday themed slasher movie and back in the 80s it seemed to holiday, or event was safe from Halloween to Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Prom, Graduation and hell even slumber parties weren’t safe. New Year’s Evil is still early into the slasher cycle when the clichés were still in the early stages and while this is a slasher flick it’s also a little different from the norm in the 80s.
During a New Year’s Eve party broadcast on TV the host Diane (Roz Kelly) receives a call from an unknown killer (Kip Niven) stating he will kill somebody in each time zone; his voice is disguised (however we see his face so no spoiler there and the calls are hysterical I am EVILLL). He records each killing on cassette tape (blast from the past) and then after each murder he calls the show and plays the tape back.
The screenplay by Leonard Neubauer is the typical of its time with faceless victims with zero depth; we know who the killer is from the start at least in terms of looks and I think anyone with even half a brain should figure out his connection to Diane so the mystery angle assuming that was the plan is a failure and I have to think that was the point by Neubauer I can’t see him writing this as any kind of mystery. New Year’s Evil takes a different approach with the script in regards to the killer isn’t wearing a mask or disfigured and in many ways, Neubauer seems to also try and mix in more thriller aspects; while the screenplay has some entertaining moments and some decent comedy and a decent touch of family drama, which does add a little bit of depth to an otherwise sloppy screenplay, but in the end it’s brought down by the fact we know who the killer is and again its painfully obvious his connection to Diane so therefore the cops trying to figure things out doesn’t work as well it could have if the killer was kept hidden.
Director Emmett Alston delivers the standard slasher flick just without the gore and nudity these movies became known for; the direction is rather flat with very little in the way of suspense and tension and the production has much more of a TV movie feel rather than theatrical. The death scenes are decently staged, but they lack any real flair or any blood. New Year’s Evil is a little sloppy and at times not very well made, but it’s not a complete hack job either. New Year’s Evil has built up a nice cult following so I suppose Alston did something correct and despite the many flaws of the movie even I have to say I enjoyed the movie even if nothing really stands out.
The one thing interesting about New Year’s Evil are the primary characters are adults in their late 30s to early 40s; most slasher movies feature teen characters or characters in their early 20s so this for me stands out due to that, but older characters doesn’t mean they’re any smarter as Diane is a rather useless final girl and while the performance by Roz Kelly (best known from Happy Days) was fairly good, but again she was rather useless as the final girl and towards the end with the showdown with the killer she seems more than content with being a victim rather than fighting back.
Overall New Year’s Evil while in no ways one of the better slasher flicks of the 80s does work in that 80s slasher sort of way and fans of these films will totally understand. Everything here is rather pedestrian and the villain and his disguising of his voice is hysterical and you gotta love the way the guy is the master of disguises going from a worker at an insane asylum and even a priest.
–Dave Kaye
Brand New Promo Video For Slasher Studios’ “Don’t Go to the Reunion”
Slasher Studios is proud to announce that we have now added a brand new promo video to the Kickstarter page for our very first slasher feature, “Don’t Go to the Reunion.” Check it out, let us know what you think and make sure to pass the word on. 45 days left and we are at 30% right now, let’s see if we can make this happen! Thank you everyone for your incredible support.
To become a Don’t Go to the Reunion backer and receive some amazing rewards check out the officially kickstarter page:
Don’t Go to the Reunion Kickstarter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdIgCktbMtI&feature=youtu.be&a
As 2012 Comes to an End…
As Christmas comes to an end and a new year is right around the corner, I can officially say that 2012 has been the best year of my life thus far. From horror conventions to film festivals to meeting some amazing horror fans and filmmakers, I cannot accurately put into words how much this year has met to me. Seeing the support from my peers (fellow indie horror filmmakers, I love you all) to the respect the indie world has shown both us at Slasher Studios, it has been overwhelming in the best possible way. Next year with Don’t Go to the Reunion, our first feature, we are ready to give back to the horror world a valentine of everything we love about the genre. I want to thank each and every one of you out there that has been following us and cheering us every possible step of the way. YOU are the ones we do this for and receiving the incredible reaction to the films we have created is something I will never, ever take for granted. I am a better person because each and everyone of you is in my life. Don’t ever forget that. Here’s to 2013!!