Tim’s Horror Tweet Reviews: “Deadly Species” (2002)

Slasher Studios*Bad Horror

A few days again I mentioned how we felt deeply sorry for Tim Schilling. FOUR, count em FOUR, one Teddyhead movies in a row with no end in sight. Today we have a review from the last movie from the dreaded Walmart 8 pack from hell entitled Deadly Species. It can’t be as bad as the rest..can it?

Thoughts before the film:
Should I be like everyone else and watch Friday the 13th or something different? And that something different is called Deadly Species, the last movie on that 8 DVD pack I’ve been struggling to finish. Thank god this is the last movie in the 8 pack. I can’t handle anymore bad movies.

Thoughts while watching:
0:03 Someone who digs for fossils would not have painted fingernails. Just no.
0:10 I bet these people are making up words, what the heck is a colusfakada? I don’t even know what they’re saying.
0:15 But why is there a piece of grass going across the lens.
0:24 You’re kidding me right? You were tying your shoe, you were standing ON the bag and you didn’t see it!?
0:29 Haha the name of the generator was Generac… Good old greeking.
0:34 I wish I could find the gates to hell next time I went digging for fossils.
0:37 There aren’t enough tweets in the world to explain just how wrong this movie is.
0:39 Woo 40 minutes in and we finally see the monster creature alien thing!
0:55 It’s always a good idea to shoot into the dark when you can’t even see the target.
0:57 Oh what’s wrong, you’re bored of staring at the computer screen? Don’t talk to me about being bored.
0:58 This just turned into a really bad porno.
1:03 They said the name! I didn’t think the movie would be corny enough to do but it did.
1:09 I like puppets better than CGI, at least this looks corny in the good way.
1:19 Drinking some water stopped this guy from turning into a monster. A lot of thought was put through this.

Final Verdict:
I’m probably one of like 5 people to actually watch ‪#DeadlySpecies‬, and I know why. I don’t think I have to explain myself.

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

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No Seconds Please: “Thankskilling” is Mean Spirited, Horror Junk

Slasher Studios*Bad Horror

I decided to watch ThanksKilling (2009) and do a review, which is proving to be somewhat of a frustration for me. There’s little more I can say about this movie other than I found it to be nothing too much more than an ugly, stupid movie. I admire it a little for how much I hate it, only because it’s most likely everything it was intended to be.

The opening shot in this movie is a boob, and the first line right before the first death in the movie is, “Nice tits, bitch,” which surely received a lot of positive responses. I can understand, as it’s a purely tasteless and highly respected quality for an opening scene for a film such as this.

My reaction to the opening scene was only to rub my tired old eyes and sigh.

The movie is only 70 minutes long (it took me three days to watch) and consists of college kids on holiday break being chased by a killer turkey. It’s a typical college movie kid lineup- the jock, the slut, the nerd, the “cool funny” kid, and the final girl.

Did I mention it took me three days to watch? I just don’t think that it’s entertaining enough for how shocking and mean-spirited it is. I’ve seen a lot of grotesque and offensive horror that I can respect and enjoy far more, just because it either had a point to it, or it was fun and entertaining. This movie does none of those for me. The shock, the gore, and the humor- all which are normally great elements to a fun horror movie- were all very tiresome and I felt that a lot of it was just unnecessary added-on junk to something already very junky.

I apologize to those who disagree with how unlovable I found this movie. Some of you who haven’t seen it might really enjoy it, and by all means, have fun with it! I sincerely hope you at least appreciate it more than I did.

–Catherine Kincannon

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Holiday Horror We Love: “Halloween II” (1981) Review

Slasher StudiosHalloween II (1981)

I thought I’d take a look at this because its rarely mentioned when talking about a good film in the series, many go with the original being the best all the time and it gets pretty jarring, since this is a terrific follow up.

The film set on the same night as the original heightens the body count up a bit, but still manages to create an ominous mood, very suspenseful moments that drive you nuts if it is the first time you have seen the film. The tone of the film really seems to capture what made the original so great and runs with it.

Granted, Jamie Lee Curtis is put in the background here, as she is sedated through most of the film, but it gives us a chance to see Donald Pleasance and Charles Cyphers shine as the Psychiatrist and Sheriff respectively. Donald Pleasance is probably the biggest reason I love this film so much, his dialogue never seems to get old and each time I watch it, I feel the way I feel every time I watch a Vincent Price film, like I’m watching a master at work. Dick Warwick also does a fine job as The Shape, the mask looking more worn than in the original film and more robotic (which is bit of a problem, but this is post F13TH, so I can let it slide)when he walks. Dick brings a new suspenseful feeling to the film, don’t understand why they didn’t just bring back the two who played Michael in the previous film, but Dick is a decent choice (he also came in as Jason for one of the F13TH films).

The hospital setting is another factor to why I believe this to be a solid sequel and one that can’t be missed. Yes, I’ve been in and out of hospitals a lot and it is NEVER this deserted, but I’m guessing getting several extras to walk around would just create less of a story, cause Michael would certainly be on a killing spree. Also its Halloween night, the busiest day in a hospital, but it does provide a great setting and mood for the film.

I was probably one of the people who actually likes it when a killer is given a link to their victim, so having Michael and Laurie siblings is great, but as a psychiatrist he should have known he had another sibling, plus I love the scene between him and Marion and how he responds to finding this news out.

The deaths are few this time, which is nice, but there is one death that always bothered me cause I happens off-screen (you all know). This was the early 80’s and with Friday the 13th dominating horror fans minds they had to up the deaths and blood, it works when you watch the two film back to back as it balances it out, like watching both Kill Bill films as opposed to just one.

Shout Factory (UNDER THEIR SCREAM FACTORY BANNER) is coming out with Halloween 2 and 3 on DVD and Blu-Ray and they will all come with features including a commentary, so I’m excited to finally have it in my DVD collection (I have the VHS version and have been holding off on a DVD for this reason).

–Eric Curto

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Pure Sci-Fi/Horror/Action Genre Craziness: “Split Second” (1992) Review

Slasher StudiosSplit Second

Occasionally a film loses it mind, tries to do too much, and ends up a better movie because of it. Split Second adds futuristic angst, serial killer cat-and-mouse games, and an Alien-inspired creature to the familiar buddy cop film. Instead of wrestling with these elements, the film gleefully lets each genre free to run wild.

Rutger Hauer stars as Harley Stone, a hard-boiled detective with a dead partner to avenge in the “future” of 2008 (Split Second was released in 1992). The murderer returns to add to its death toll, and it isn’t human. Kim Cattrall makes a pre-Sex in the City appearance, and Hauer and his partner (Neil Duncan), to no one’s surprise, become friends and head into a showdown with the murderous monster.

Hauer is a gifted actor who can out-menace anyone as a tough guy, and then tone down his performance with light humor when necessary. Harley Stone is a hard, cynical anti-hero, but Hauer keeps enough smirk in his swagger to avoid self-parody.

Split Second’s set design and pacing keep the mood cool and menacing, and for two thirds of the film they create an unusual tension between an all-too-human detective and an unknowable creature on a serial murder spree. The film builds to a rousing and funny scene where Stone and his partner load up with the biggest guns they can find ( a highlight of the film), and then the film can’t keep up with itself any longer. The Alien-inspired monster looks too derivative and rubbery to pay off all of the tension, and the actual battle is over too quickly.

Had Split Second delivered on the promise of its pacing and lead actor’s performance, it would be a four Teddy movie instantly familiar to any genre fan. It manages three and a half Teddys as it is, and the ride is well worth the price of a ticket.

–Axel Kohagen

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The Gore, The Merrier: “Piranha” (2010) Review

Slasher Studios*Holiday Horror

So, I may be pushing this one, but my choice for holiday horror (since a lot of my favorites have already been reviewed, haha), is the Spring Break horror film Piranha 2010, aka Piranha 3D.

It is Spring Break in Lake Victoria, Arizona. It is a time for booze, swimming, boating, topless girls and…prehistoric piranha? While the local sheriff Julie Forrester (Elisabeth Shue) is out patrolling the young and wild crowd, her son Jake (Steve McQueen) is out with a porn crew when he should be babysitting his younger brother and sister. Leading the crew is Derrick (Jerry O’Connell), and one of his Wild Wild Girls is Danni (Kelly Brook). Also along for the ride is Jake’s love interest, Kelly (Jessica Szohr). What the crew and the unsuspecting spring breakers don’t know is that they will soon be on the menu for the some hungry prehistoric piranha that have broken free after a quake in the ocean floor. Can our local sheriff save her kids as well as the spring breakers before they all become fish chow?

So even though Spring Break isn’t legally a holiday, many young people will consider it one in their own world. It is a time when they can break free from school, work, etc. and just go crazy and have fun. That is exactly what Piranha is. A fun-filled movie. Definitely not one to be taken seriously. The film successfully captures the goings-on of the Spring Break crowd. Loud music, lots of alcohol, and may tit shots. It also throws in some FANTASTIC gore scenes. This is probably the goriest movie I’ve seen in my life. Maybe there is gorier, but it is one that’s stuck with me the most. The cast was more or less likeable. Julie is an excellent hero character, Ving Rhames in the film is also a great hero with some good one-liners, Derrick may be a dick but he was funny as hell, and honestly, despite Danni being a whore, I loved her way more than Kelly (whom I found annoying). Danni was kind-hearted and was actually trying to help Jake and Kelly get together. I can’t say I was a fan of the Jake character, like most of the characters like him, he doesn’t man up until the end. The massacre scene is absolutely mind-blowing. So many deaths, and so much gore. Half the deaths aren’t even piranha-caused.

I can’t imagine Piranha being directed by anyone other than the great Alexandre Aja. To me he is this generation’s king of gore. Eli Roth (who ironically has an appearance in this), is definitely in that race too. As long as someone views the movie with an open mind and realizes the movie is meant for pure fun, they will enjoy it. Anyone who’s ever been on a crazy spring break in a beach area may definitely be able to relate to this film. Minus the hungry piranha of course.

–Cody Landman

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Favorite Holiday Horror: Valentine (2001)

Slasher Studios*Holiday Horror

In 2001, Jamie Blanks’s Valentine was released, and slowly just drifted away because I rarely hear people talk about it. But I have loved it ever since it still came out, and still love it today. It’s not my favorite holiday horror film,but it is one of my favorites. Plus, it’s a perfect triple feature to watch with My Bloody Valentine (1981), and My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009).

Valentine is opens with a great credit opening at a 8th grade Valentine’s Day dance where a young quiet teenage boy, Jeremy Melton, wants to just dance with somebody. But all the girl’s reject or turn him down till he meets Dorothy, who is a quiet teenage girl who doesn’t have anybody to dance with either. When a few teenage boy spot Jeremy and Dorothy making out, Dorothy accuses Jeremy of attacking her and the boys decide to humiliate Jeremy in front of everybody. Years go by where all those girls including Dorothy start getting strange Valentine’s cards and gifts with the signature “J.M.”. After that, the girl’s start getting stalked and killed one by one by someone wearing a cupid’s mask reaching up to Valentine’s Day. Could this be someone just playing with these girls or could it be Jeremy back for revenge?

For me, this film has so many great elements to it making it one of the last and best kinda late 90’s going into the early 2000’s slasher films. It has fun characters, fun kills, great use of the color “red” hinting that it is Valentine’s Day, well done story, some great acting, an awesome and creepy killer, and Jamie Blanks’s who knows how to make fun and well done slasher film because he also directed one of my favorite 90’s slasher films, Urban Legend. Jamie Blanks’s knows how to make a great slasher film because he uses all those elements that I mentioned before. In my opinion, Jamie Blanks’s doesn’t get the credit he deserves with his films, and Valentine itself just seemed to drift away and I think it is because the 90’s slasher eerie was going away in which Valentine just came to late in it’s prime. If you haven’t seen Valentine then I recommend giving it a watch especially on Valentine’s Day!

–Justin Rhine

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Unpleasant Dreams: “Dreamaniac” Features Great 80’s Fashion but Zero Thrills

Slasher StudiosDreamaniac

Patching together a mish-mash of moments from better genre films, Dreamaniac is a supernatural slasher that seems to be bored with itself. Content to be a placeholder for a VHS sleeve with garish cover art and promises of unimaginable terror, the actual film limps along as nothing more than a tolerable diversion and an excellent museum exhibit of how people dressed in the 1980s.

A musician calls up a demon that starts out by having sex with him and moves on to kill everyone at a party being held at the house he’s staying in. Though there are heavy metal and black magic implications to the proceedings, the film doesn’t really expand on these themes. One character says it best (and may in fact define the entire movie) when she says, “I don’t know much about heavy metal. I mean, I’m into Lionel Richie.”

It’s likely no one cared about this film except the person responsible for the costuming. The acting mumbles and drags. The lighting feels lifeless, even for 80s VHS fare. The plot moves from kill to kill as if absently crossing off items on a checklist. The sex scenes are stagey and awkward.

The clothes, however, make the film. Banana clips, red pumps and black fishnet stockings. Bangs and pastel stirrup pants. Lumpy sweaters. As fun as marveling at what people used to where can be, these outfits arguably define the characters more fully than the script or the direction.

Dreamaniac ends with a whimper by tacking on an unnecessary twist ending, making the pleasantly bad film seem less satisfying. Even so, it manages to be an entertaining 82 minutes of supernatural slashing, better for viewing with like-minded company than concentrating on alone.

–Axel Kohagen

Follow Axel on Twitter: https://twitter.com/mrhorrorpants

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Tim’s Slasher Tweet Reviews: “Junior” (2003)

Slasher Studios*Bad Horror

Poor, poor Tim Schilling. Buying horror movie 8 packs from WalMart, you gotta admire his dedication in watching every single one of them. If that isn’t a true horror fan, I don’t know what is. Well, today we have another horror flick from the 8 pack of death. This one is titled “Junior”, will it break the bad movie curse?

Thoughts before the film:
I ain’t got nothin to do, so I’ll try to finish this terrible DVD 8 pack. Next up, ‪#Junior

Thoughts while watching:
0:02 Already regretting watching this.
0:10 I think I paid more for this DVD than what this film’s budget was.
0:15 I’m starting to feel as if this movie is more about their car than anything else.
0:21 Hehe I saw you cameramen shadows.
0:32 Every single one of these actors has an accent coming from who the hell knows where.
0:34 I think the car is the bad guy in this movie.
0:35 I sit down and do nothing when someone is banging on the top of my car too!
0:39 I’d love to see the script for this movie. “The car shakes as it growls at the bimbo”
0:40 Aw, too bad there’s an actual person doing the killings. I was really hoping it was the car.
0:43 “It’s barbecue time, you fuck!”
0:55 (said the name)
1:15 This guy keeps on calling an old lady a slut…
1:19 This guy is so mean to his son, too bad the acting is terrible cause otherwise I’d actually feel bad.
1:25 I’ll just pretend to be your mom, and then light you on fire (again) when you’re not looking.
1:29 Oh please don’t let there be a sequel.

Final Verdict:
If ‪#Junior‬ had a better crew behind it, I think it coulda been a decent movie. The story was good, but I don’t think it was carried out well

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

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Favorite Horror Holiday: “Silent Night, Deadly Night” (1984)

Slasher Studios*Holiday Horror

A young, incredibly adorable boy named Billy witnesses his parents being killed by a man dressed as Santa Claus (after being warned by his supposedly catatonic grandfather that Santa punishes those who have been naughty.) Later in life, after being raised in an orphanage with abusive nuns, he gets a job at a toy store, and one Christmas, his boss insists he dress up as Santa. Wanting to do a good job, but mentally unstable and unclear on what Santa’s duties are, Billy goes on a killing spree. The kills are great (there’s a sledding beheading and someone strangled with Christmas lights), but the real charm of this film is the sweetly endearing Billy, who is the most sympathetic killer of all time. His troubled life has left him damaged and confused. He kills without malice, not knowing any better.

He is merely punishing the naughty because that is his understanding of what Santa Claus does, and he wants to be a good employee at the toy store. The film is often overlooked as a campy slasher, and it does fit in to that. It’s a very fun movie. But underneath it all, there’s a sad character portrait that breaks my heart by the end. It’s fucking amazing. My absolute favorite Christmas movie, and one of the greatest, most underrated movies ever.

–Austin Wolf-Sothern

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No Monkeying Around, “Shakma” Delivers the Horror Goods

Slasher StudiosShakma

After starting slowly and relying on traditional genre clichés, Shakma pitches a hyperactive baboon hissy fit in the second act and never lets up. The simian fury is relentless and builds to natural terror nearly on par with scenes in Hitchcock’s The Birds.

A test lab baboon named Shakma gets loose on the night a group of lab rats play their regular live action role playing game. Christopher Atkins is the hero of the scientists, who fill their genre-defined roles in unremarkable ways. Roddy McDowall is the man in charge, and he muster up mild amusement for his performance.

Shakma is just another movie to forget until the titular baboon gets a chance to strut its stuff. The well-trained animal, the staging, the editing, and the lighting come alive in attack after attack, as a medium dog-sized baboon lays claim to the building and lays waste on any human unfortunate enough to get in its way.

When Shakma is reduced to a simple survival tale between man and best, the forgettable characters and stagey dialogue are left by the wayside. Animal actors have an advantage over humans – they can’t lie or be inauthentic. Like all of the best animal horror films, Shakma is a reminder the natural world is not populated by stuffed toys, and it’s all around us.

Like a lesser King Kong, Shakma (played by “Typhoon,” according to his handlers at Action Animals), is a tragic character. He’s even more sympathetic and likeable than the human beings with whom he’s forced to act. He’s ferocious and frightened enough some viewers might worry about the health and safety of the actual animal, which could distract from the viewing experience.

Assuming “Typhoon” was happy and healthy throughout this shoot, the baboon deserves credit for stalking and menacing teens with more frenzy than several decades of guys in white masks. Don’t believe me? Check out this action clip from Action Animals website.

–Axel Kohagen

Follow Axel on Twitter: https://twitter.com/mrhorrorpants

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