Slasher Studios Podcast: Worst Horror Movies of the Last Decade
On this week’s episode of Slasher Studios Horror Podcast, Kevin Sommerfield and Steve Goltz will be discussing the very worst horror movies of the last decade. Show starts at Thursday at 10PM central. Don’t miss the gory fun.
Listen in live or check out an archive: Slasher Studios Podcast: Worst Horror Movies of the Last Decade
Not Quite Horror: “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989)
Not Quite Horror contains reviews of films not traditionally considered horror films. By analyzing them as horror films (identifying the monster, discussing the shared worry for the audience and the main characters, and understanding the depth of horror available to the viewer), who knows? There’s more than one way to watch a movie.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)
The Monster: Clark Griswold. It would be difficult to find a more loveable and well-meaning monster in the history of film, but his monstrosity stands for itself. Clark (Chevy Chase) refuses to compromise on his fantasies of idyllic family holiday time. Spoiled by doting parents and encouraged by an overly forgiving wife (Beverly D’angelo), he will stop at nothing to recreate his own childhood, even if he ruins Christmas for his own children in the process.
The Horror: By the time the Griswold family Christmas is ruined, Clark has nearly killed his family in a car accident, killed himself decorating, and killed his neighbors with reckless behavior. Clark is unable to recreate his childhood fantasy of a perfect Christmas, in large part due to Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) also refusing to give up on his childhood. Ignoring the children in the house, Clark puts on his Santa outfit and grabs a chainsaw . . .
The Shared Fate: Adults are all survivors of childhood, but some adults never really get past it. Clark is so committed to recreating his childhood joys he orders Cousin Eddie to kidnap his boss. He thinks he does so in jest.
Who will be holding you hostage this holiday season?
— I am indebted to Noel Carroll’s The Philosophy of Horror for his ideas on defining horror, as well as John Skipp and Craig Spector’s article “Death’s Rich Pageantry, or Skipp & Spector’s Handy-Dandy Splatterpunk Guide to the Horrors of Non-horror Film†in Cut! Horror Writers on Horror Film for a similar idea.–
–Axel Kohagen
Kevin & Steve’s Horror Movies: “Crinoline Head” (1995)
Kevin: Crinoline Head is the best 80’s slasher that happened to be made in the 1990’s. Everything about this movie screams 80’s slasher. Unlikable, stereotypical characters. Check. Innovative deaths. Check. Fun, cheesy dialogue. Check. Creepy backstory. Check. Whodunit mystery. Check. I just had a blast watching this film though your mile may vary depending on how much you love a good-bad slasher (this movie is obviously made in the likes of such campy classics as Sleepaway Camp). This movie is self aware but never mocking and has a genuine appreciation for both its subject matter and its character. It knows exactly what type of movie it is. The only question is, is this a movie that will work for you? Well, that depends. It is uber-low budget and it takes about about an hour for the killings to start.
Steve: Although it takes a bit for the deaths to begin, the start of the film is still able to keep you attention with the great one-liners and very…unique characters. The line delivery and overall acting ability was far too god for a film of this budget, so many props go out to the casting director for finding believable actors.
Kevin: What works about this movie? The clever, inventive screenplay and go-for-broke performances by a more than game cast. This movie is instantly quotable and has a sense of fun that is missing from a lot of the most popular slashers today. Check out the trailer below. If it looks like something you might dig, you probably will. If you are groaning and barely able to get through these two minutes, stay as far away from this slasher as possible.
Steve: Mostly likely, you will spend more time talking about the actors and their incredible wardrobe choices. Perfect 90’s shirts and denim paired with interesting looks and personalities help create an unforgettable film. Whether you like this slasher or not, you wont soon forget it!
Slasher Studios Podcast: New Cult Classics
On this week’s episode of Slasher Studios Horror Podcast, Kevin Sommerfield and Steve Goltz will be discussing new cult classics. Movies made in the last decade that we think will be remembered fondly for the next generation of horror fans. Show starts at 10PM central. Don’t miss the gory fun.
To listen live or to check out an archive:
Slasher Studios Podcast: New Cult Classics
Not Quite Horror: “Frosty the Snowman” (1969)
Not Quite Horror contains reviews of films not traditionally considered horror films. By analyzing them as horror films (identifying the monster, discussing the shared worry for the audience and the main characters, and understanding the depth of horror available to the viewer), who knows? There’s more than one way to watch a movie.
Frosty the Snowman (1969)
The Monster: Professor Hinkle. His hat brings snowman Frosty to life. Frosty is a simple, trusty soul who would be banished into the void without this hat, but the lousy magician insists upon having it back because the hat is his property. Hinkle never seems to grasp morality beyond the concept of private property, and is only sent packing when Santa threatens to stop bringing him more material possessions to obsess about.
The Horror: Hinkle chases Frosty and his friend Karen into the dark of the woods. When Frosty brings Karen into a greenhouse to keep her from dying of exposure, Hinkle locks both inside. Frosty melts to the ground because he chose saving his life, and the life of a little girl, over returning a hat to an unstable man. This slow, deliberate murder could come from an animated Saw or Hostel film.
The Shared Fate: Frosty teaches children and adults that sweet, innocent things can be destroyed because it pleases the selfish desires of one monstrous human being. What does it offer as a solution? Santa Claus saves the day and promises Frosty can return each Christmas because he is made of Christmas snow?
There is no comfort in this for any child looking past the singing and dancing. The innocents taken away are not made out of Christmas snow, after all.
— I am indebted to Noel Carroll’s The Philosophy of Horror for his ideas on defining horror, as well as John Skipp and Craig Spector’s article “Death’s Rich Pageantry, or Skipp & Spector’s Handy-Dandy Splatterpunk Guide to the Horrors of Non-horror Film†in Cut! Horror Writers on Horror Film for a similar idea.–
–Axel Kohagen
Kevin & Steve’s Horror Movies: “The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid-Row Slasher” (1979)
Kevin: The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid-Row Slasher is quite possibly the strangest “slasher” I’ve ever seen. The entire 60 minute running time is a variation of a few scenes. Our lead Johnathon Click hires a few “photographer’s models” (hookers) for a night and ends up strangling them before any of the sex happens. This is shown at least a dozen times and it really is something umm…to be seen. Johnathon is in love with the woman who runs the neighborhood used “book” store (the set design is so bad that there are barely more than 20 books shown in the entire store and a dresser drawer is her cash register?!) and even though he has never spoken to her (no one speak at all during this film because he no live sound was recorded), she knows that she is the one.
Steve: So, we know who the Hollywood Strangler is, but who is the Skid-Row Slasher? Well my slasher friends, you must watch to find out. Or just watch the first quarter of this film, as the last 3 quarters are pretty much just a reply. Jonathan is out for, as Joe Bob Briggs says, sluts. And boy does he find some. Some of the sluts are not too bad looking, but some are… well… less desirable.
Kevin: This movie is all sorts of bad. With a budget in the “low four figures” it has a cheap, documentary style feel to it that actually helps the film. The performances are all decent even though they are given nothing to work with and there is a decent amount of very fake gore. The highlight? The wonderful Joe Bob Briggs commentary on the DVD. He is a joy to listen to and will tell you anything and everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the making of this flick. Good stuff!!
Steve: All in all, this film is worth a watch, even if just for the great comedy of Joe Bob. So, do the movie it’s justice and check out the feature. Then, if you can make it through the repetitive nature of this VO filled film, you must treat yourself to the commentary. The laughs Briggs can bring will be worth the cost of the DVD.
Slasher Studios Picks: Top 5 Thanksgiving Turkeys
To help celebrate Thanksgiving, we are at Slasher Studios have decided to share with you our top five favorite turkeys. Movies that were awful in every sense of the word and yet…we couldn’t stop watching. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
5. Troll 2
A young child is terrified to discover that a planned family trip is to be haunted by vile plant-eating monsters out of his worst nightmare. His attempt to save his beloved family is assisted by the specter of his deceased grandfather. Also, there are NO trolls in this movie, only goblins. Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards! This movie is retched from beginning to end but damn is it fun to quote.
4. Jack Frost
Serial killer is genetically mutated in car wreck on the way to his execution. After which, he becomes a murdering snowman hell-bent on revenge for the sheriff who caught him. Shannon Elizabeth’s “carrot” scene is the highlight for this film which doesn’t say much. Terrible Fx as well (was the snowman’s costume made out of Styrofoam?).
3. Pieces
While playing with a puzzle, a teenager is repressed by his mother, and he kills her and severs her body with an ax. Forty years later, in an university campus in Boston, a serial killer kills young women and severs their bodies in parts, stealing body pieces from each student. Lt. Bracken makes a deal with the dean of the campus, and infiltrates the agent Mary Riggs as if she were a tennis teacher and together with the student Kendall, they try to find the identity of the killer. BASTARD! BAAAAAAAAAASSSTTARD!
2. Slaughter High
A group of popular students play a cruel prank on a shy nerd resulting in a terrible accident. Years later a reunion is held where each of the students face a stalker killer who may be the same nerd out for revenge. Hilariously over-the-top with some of the worst acting you’ve ever seen. Also, what is up with the ending? No clue what they were thinking there.
1. The Last Slumber Party
From United Entertainment/VCI, the VERY small 1988 distributor in Oklahoma, who gave us the legendary home video, no budget hit BLOOD LAKE, which IMDb doesn’t even have in its database and that doesn’t surprise me. That one had the same no-budget atmosphere and completely unknown teen actors that, like in this film, only starred in one film. Sample dialogue: `I’m loaded and I feel like throwing up, could you please pass the Jack Daniels?’ `There’s a party tonight at my house, would you mind if I invite myself?’ `I THINK he’s schizophrenic, why don’t we give him a partial lobotomy?’ And the science teacher that looked exactly like one of the science teachers that I had in high school. And he started talking about how he got laid at the prom. Oh my God.
(Info from horror7777 from imdb for Last Slumber Party, I personally could find NOTHING on this film)
Not Quite Horror: “Observe and Report” (2009)
Not Quite Horror contains reviews of films not traditionally considered horror films. By analyzing them as horror films (identifying the monster, discussing the shared worry for the audience and the main characters, and understanding the depth of horror available to the viewer), who knows? There’s more than one way to watch a movie.
Observe and Report (2009)
The Monster: Ronnie (Seth Rogen) threatens everyone he comes into contact with simply by trying to be the best man he can be. Ronnie handles security for a mall plagued by both a series of thefts and a man who exposes himself to mall employees.
Ronnie does the best with what life has given him. He suffers from mental illness and has to support his dysfunctional mother instead of benefiting from her care. Co-workers and police officers prefer to insult Ronnie, until his rage grows. Even his greatest visions of heroism are filled with death and despair.
The Horror: Without proper support, Ronnie’s only options for dealing with adversity are violence and even more violence. He flattens a group of teenagers who deface his mall, then finds himself in a battle against an entire group of police officers with no way out but getting severely beaten.
The Shared Fate: Everyone gets angry, but with the right environment people identify better solutions for their problems. Ronnie is a monster because his environment failed him, and his life could have been exponentially better. Observe and Report is a comedy only because it is easier to laugh at Ronnie’s pain than it is to cry because the world is filled with Ronnies.
— I am indebted to Noel Carroll’s The Philosophy of Horror for his ideas on defining horror, as well as John Skipp and Craig Spector’s article “Death’s Rich Pageantry, or Skipp & Spector’s Handy-Dandy Splatterpunk Guide to the Horrors of Non-horror Film†in Cut! Horror Writers on Horror Film for a similar idea.–
–Axel Kohagen