Tim’s Slasher Tweet Reviews: “Return to Horror High” (1987)

In 1987 a little horror comedy featuring a then unknown actor named George Clooney was released upon unsuspecting movie audiences. The film was titled “Return to Horror High” and it was a commercial and critic flop. Barely grossing a million dollars before it was yanked from the theaters, the film didn’t do much to set itself apart besides one wicked cover box. Today our resident Twitter reviewer Tim Schilling takes on the horror comedy to see if this film works at horror, comedy, or neither.

Thoughts before the film:
I love this DVD art way too much. First time I tried to watch #ReturnToHorrorHigh, I couldn’t finish it cause I thought it was so bad. My taste in movies since then have changed WAY too much so maybe I’ll like it this time!

Thoughts while watching:
0:01 Great music right off the bat! The 80’s rock.
0:12 I find it hilarious George Clooney was in this movie.
0:17 That is one hot lady cop.
0:23 Is George’s role already over with…?
0:25 If that guy were to pick up a girl like that now he’d be in jail for like 75 years.
0:28 Shlort!
0:33 Whoever did the killings is back because they like it it. How did this not win the Oscar?
0:35 The sandbox scene… How is that even possible?
0:41 Every time they show the cop and the detective, I get confused. The cop is creepin me out.
0:44 This movie is 99% boobs.
0:52 I don’t know if I should be following the movie or the movie within the movie…
1:04 This is really bothering me that it’s going back and forth from movie, movie within the movie, and dream.
1:13 The sandbox thing makes no sense even after they showed what was underneath it!
1:25 …….wat.

Overall:
I honestly don’t know what to think of #ReturnToHorrorHigh right now. The dozens of plot twists, and going back and forth from real world, movie within the movie, dreams and flashbacks took anything good away.

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

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“Street Trash” Provides Kaleidoscope of Killing and Gore Galore

I’ve owned a tumblr account since the beginning of time (to follow just click on the tumblr link at the top of the page). Well, actually about a year but in “internet time” that is equivalent to at least a couple of decades, right? Having a specialty themed account (slasher movies, who knew?), I tend to see a lot of the same movies repeated over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, I love “Nightmare on Elm Street” and “Friday the 13th” as much as the next slasher fan but there are only so many stills and gifs that anyone can make from one particular movie. It is when I see a still from a slasher flick that I’ve never even heard of that my interest is immediately piqued. The last few weeks I have been seeing more and more stills from a little, relatively obscure horror movie by the name of “Street Trash.” What is this movie and why haven’t I heard about it until now? Thanks to my good friend Tony Brown, I was able to take a stab at this “gorerific masterpiece.” Does the movie live up to the hype or is there a reason why many horror fans have long since forgotten about this movie?

“Street Trash” begins with the owner of a liquor store in lower Manhattan finding a case of cheap liquor (“Tenafly Viper”) in his basement. After a little bit of research, the shop owner finds out the the liquor is over 60 years old and has gone bad….really bad. Nonetheless, he decides to sell it to the local hobos anyway for a dollar. A dollar for a bottle of liquor? That’s a steal. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like the stuff is going to kill you. Right? Of course the rancid liquor does have some side effects. Turns out that anyone who drinks this Viper melts away in a hideous fashion. At the same time, two brothers find different ways to cope with homelessness, while an overzealous cop (Bill Chepil) tries to get to the bottom of all the deaths, all the while trying to end the tyranny of deranged Vietnam veteran Bronson (Vic Noto).

Sound like too much story for any one movie to handle? Well..you would be right. “Street Trash” is a mess and I’m not just talking about what happens to the hobos after they drink the Venom. Part “Dirty Harry”, part social commentary, part Troma flick, and part “Hills Have Eyes”, “Street Trash” doesn’t stay in any particular genre for very long. Just when you think the movie has settled into horror, we get crude comedy (fart jokes anyone?), just when you think it has settled into Troma land with body parts galore, the film turns into a cop drama. None of it really gels. You know what? It doesn’t matter. Why you ask? Because of the gore! Ohhh the glorious gore in this flick. You want to see a kalidoscope of killings? It’s all right here in just about every color of the rainbow imaginable. I’ve never seen death in a horror movie be so….beautiful. That’s right, it’s beautiful damn it and when the movie focuses on the gore it is a rousing success. The fx in this movie truly must be seen to be believed. This is the kind of little gem that isn’t for everyone and it is bound to offend most (rape, torture, homeless homicide..it’s all here), but it won me over with its low budget charm. Oh…and did I mention the gore? Check it out.

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Tim’s Slasher Tweet Reviews: “My Bloody Valentine” (1981)

To end this beautiful sunny weekend we have a brand new review from our resident twitter reviewer Tim Schilling. Today Tim is getting out his pike ax to take a stab at the original 1981 cult classic “My Bloody Valentine.” Butchered by censors and critics and ignored by audiences, the Canadian slasher has grown quite the cult following throughout the years. But, is it a cut above the rest or is it a slasher that deserves to be forgotten? Let’s cut open this bloody heart and find out.

Thoughts before the film:
I’ve never seen the original #MyBloodyValentine. I have seen the remake though and I actually liked it quite a bit

Thoughts while watching:
0:01 Who gets frisky in a mine shaft!?
0:04 Don’t drop the soap.
0:06 This hillbilly music reminds me of Two Thousand Maniacs.
0:08 The guy who was dancing with the cutout and said “this is my date”…. me.
0:17 Oh Harry Wardon, you sly guy you.
0:25 This town sure does like valentine’s day…
0:27 I wonder if that’s what you really look like if you were to get stuck in a dryer.
0:27 Or, better question, how did the filmmakers know that’s how someone would look like!?
0:37 What a grumpy bartender.
0:50 Those are the nastiest looking hotdogs ever.
0:58 This mine shaft must have magic powers cause everyone who goes in it, ends up fucking. Or, at least trying to.
1:10 Oh, I didn’t know Barbra from NOTLD was in this. (someone please get this)
1:20 At least the police showed up while the killer is still around and not the second after he dies/runs away.
1:20 Not that they can do anything to help anyways. I mean, they’re the police and it’s a horror film. They’re useless!
1:27 Those last lines were really creepy… Beeee my bloody valentineeee.

Overall:
Not too sure why I liked #MyBloodyValentine. The plot was meh but the filmmakers made a meh plot into something entertaining & actually good.

To follow Tim on twitter: https://twitter.com/schillingt
To follow Slasher Studios on twitter: https://twitter.com/slasherstudios

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