A group of friends go away on a camping trip in the woods and stay in a remote cabin. The locals immediately weird the group out but also warning them that people who have gone into the woods have gotten ill. Brushing off their advice, the friends continue on. Things start out fine, but when a stranger appears with a flesh-eating virus, it isn’t long before the friends start catching it themselves.

This remake of the Eli Roth film (from way back in 2002), is based off of the exact same script. No joke. Everything plays out exactly the same way except for a few circumstantial changes, the last scene, and an unnecessary scene in the credits. Oh and Officer Winston is now a female who resembles a porn star and is pretty much a lesbian. In general this is just a very piss poor movie altogether. The acting is purely awful, with the actors clearly trying way too hard to “act”. Along with this, the characters have zero substance or any particular qualities that make them unique. Thus resulting in us not caring about them at all. It’s not even that they’re unlikable. (except for maybe Bert, who is just straight up annoying), it’s just that there is nothing to them worth caring about.

On top of this, there is zero tension or suspense, there is an attempt to do this with the music, but it is so laughably cheesy. The gore effects range from awful to mediocre, some of the prosthetics involved are so damn obvious it seems like they weren’t even trying. The one thing I will give this is that it was decently-filmed. So in this respect it’s clear where a lot of the money went towards with this film. It also takes itself way too seriously, whereas the original perfectly captured the terror while adding some good dark comedy.

Not only is this one of the worst horror films I’ve seen in my life, but it is hands down the worst remake I’ve seen. Horrible acting, poorly-written characters, bad music, and extremely cheap effects makes you wonder just what the hell they were thinking remaking such a good cult classic. Most remakes at least try to be better than its predecessor, but this doesn’t try at all. If anything this is more of a cheap fan remake that is best left unseen.

–Cody Landman

First off I want to apologize for the extreme delay of this review. Two weeks ago I watched the Dutch horror/slasher “Sneekweek (2016)” in theaters with my sister. I was anticipating the release of this movie for a long time. Mainly because Dutch slashers are a rarity these days and only a handful of them are being made every decade. The trailer for Sneekweek looked promising and exciting, but at the same time it felt like I had just seen the entire movie. With no high expectations I went on to see it and I have to say that it was SO MUCH better than I expected! As it turns out the trailer didn’t reveal many important plot points and the fate of some characters. It’s I Know What You Did Last Summer meets Scream in the best possible way and that results in an awesome whodunit.

The cast is super good looking and the actors do the best they can with the material they’re given. The standouts to me were: Carolien Spoor, Jord Knotter, Holly Brood, Marly van der Velden, Sanne Langelaar, David Lucieer and Jelle De Jong. I love how bad-ass the characters were, to the point where they had to fight hard for survival. The kills were graphic and surprisingly innovative. The murder weapons that were used in the movie are really inventive. Sneekweek has a running time close to 2 hours – which is a little longer than usual for slashers, but you can clearly see that it worked as a mood setter and I honestly wasn’t bored for a second throughout the movie. This movie features quite some winks and homages to Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer and it’s evident that the director is very passionate about the genre. This movie scores high on the laughs and scares. The murder mystery is well crafted and at some point every character could’ve been the killer. The soundtrack is stylish and features lots of popular songs. The camerawork and cinematography in this movie are nothing but superb. The final act is exciting and satisfying at the same time and that’s when the shit literally hits the fan with the twists and turns. This movie doesn’t hold back on the (male) nudity, which is always a good thing with these type of movies.

Most critics panned Sneekweek and I was expecting nothing more than a campy guilty pleasure, but I was in awe by how much I ended up loving it! Is it perfect? No. Does it require a lot of thinking? No. Did I have a fun time while watching it? HELL YES! It easily became my favorite Dutch slasher and I suggest every horror/slasher fan to seek it out give it a view, but be sure to keep your expectations low. Hope to see it in theaters one more time before I purchase the Blu-ray. I could watch it over and over again. A future classic!

–Ferdi Akkulak

In most slasher films there is always that moment in the end when the killer and their motive is revealed. From there comes a very lengthy, dialogue-filled scene between the killer and the final victim. As an audience we sit and wait for them to shut up and get on to the big fight between our final girl/guy and the killer. But then there are also times when you ask yourself why after almost 90 minutes, the killer finally has the main target in their clutches, and instead of finally killing them, they talk their ear off, giving the victim the chance to escape. This leads me to the question of whether Scream actually got it right in its discussion of motives. Was Billy right when he said it’s a lot scarier when there isn’t a motive? Or do the “incidental” motives that Randy speaks of earlier in the film something that adds to it? Keep in mind that films mentioned here are not necessarily bad, this is purely on the topic of motives.

Throughout the history of slasher films, there have been numerous ones that do have a motive and some that don’t. With Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Happy Birthday To Me, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legend, Scream, etc. These films all had killers who had a particular motive for why they are on this killing spree. More often than not, the motive for killers in slashers are always due to revenge. This fact in itself makes motives very tiring and adds nothing new. Even Halloween, which initially had no motive for Michael’s killings, changed in the sequels and gave Michael a motivation to kill, even though to the series’ credit, the motive here was different. I believe that this motive is used most often is because it helps incorporate the twist of who the killer is. And granted sometimes it works, I’m not going to lie, I didn’t see the identity of the killer in Urban Legend coming at all, same with a lot of the reveals in Scream. They were most definitely shocking, but they were all seeking revenge in some form. When there isn’t the revenge motive, there is also the motives that are just plain stupid. Examples being Urban Legends: Final Cut, Sorority Row (even though I loved this one), Bloody Homecoming where the killer wants to take credit for another person’s film project, the killer is doing it “for his girlfriend”, or the much older gym coach wants revenge for the death of the student she was screwing (yes, it’s revenge but it is still stupid). With all of this said, motives can make or break the final act, or even slow it down.

If there isn’t a motive to the killer, we just have a straight-up psychopath. Such psychopaths are mentioned in Scream like Norman Bates, no clear cut motive here because he was just a psycho, or Hannibal Lecter, no real motive here either. As mentioned above, the original Halloween didn’t have a motive for Michael Myers, he simply returned home and began stalking these young women. Black Christmas is also a perfect example with Billy murdering the unsuspecting sorority sisters for no real reason. Even the delightfully bad Slumber Party Massacre featured a killer who had no motive for his killings. Some could say that even Jason in the Friday the 13th sequels had no real motive after murdering Alice in the opening of 2. The idea of a psychopath stalking people and murdering them is chilling and makes you very wary and wanting to lock up your house. But does this also leave the viewer wanting more? I have no doubt in my mind that there are people who will get pissy if a killer doesn’t have a motive and they think “that’s it”? Or maybe it could just seem repetitive for some. Even as I wrote those examples, it was semi-amusing that I was writing the same thing for each title. They’re just a psychopath.

Now of course this is all going to depend on the viewer and what they prefer to see in a slasher film and what effects them. But looking at the bigger picture, the question remains, is it scarier or more appealing to have a motive and the killer is someone they know, or scarier to have a person unknown to them stalking and killing people around them? Both can also have their flaws, but is there a concrete and agreeable answer as to which is much more terrifying?

–Cody Landman

On Saturday night I watched The Final Girls (2015) for the very first time. This movie was never released in theaters where I live and I had to wait a little under three months until it was finally available on DVD and Blu-ray format. In those three months I’ve heard many great praises from the horror community and by the looks of the amazing trailer I wouldn’t have expected anything else.

The Final Girls is directed by Todd Strauss-Schulson (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas). The cast includes: Taissa Farmiga (American Horror Story), Malin Ã…kerman (Watchmen), Adam DeVine (Workaholics), Thomas Middleditch (Silicon Valley), Alia Shawkat (Arrested Development), Alexander Ludwig (The Hunger Games), Nina Dobrev (The Vampire Diaries), Angela Trimbur (Halloween II) and Chloe Bridges (The Carrie Diaries). I have finally seen The Final Girls and I absolutely loved every second of this masterpiece. Easily one of the best horror comedies I’ve ever seen in my life. It turned a smile on my face and it even had me on the verge of shedding a tear in some scenes. It is innovative and altogether nothing short of excellent. The acting performances are very solid and the standouts were without a doubt: Taissa Farmiga, Malin Ã…kerman, Thomas Middleditch, Nina Dobrev and Angela Trimbur. Especially the chemistry between mother and daughter (Farmiga and Ã…kerman, respectively) was really strong and believable. The script is brilliant and features many winks to cheesy dialogue of horror movies from the 80’s. Totally quotable! The direction from Todd Strauss-Schulson is superb, as he really manages to capture a perfect camp setting without trying too hard. The cinematography is gorgeous and the soundtrack is outstanding. The song “Bette Davis Eyes” by Kim Carnes has been stuck inside my head ever since I’ve heard it in this movie. I’m definitely planning to purchase the Soundtrack CD. The Final Girls features many iconic moments, the characters are relatable and the visuals look stunning. The picture quality on the Blu-ray looks fantastic.

My main complaint with this movie is the lack of blood, gore and nudity. The PG-13 rating could’ve easily been an R rating. I feel like it’s a missed opportunity, but a bigger audience can be reached with a PG-13 rating and I think the makers were having the exact same idea. The Final Girls is a near perfect horror/comedy with a heart in the right place. I highly recommend it to everyone! Destined to become a cult classic, it’s only just a matter of time. The ending makes room for a sequel, which we’ll hopefully get one day. I fully support that idea.

–Ferdi Akkulak